VINTAGE HALLOWEEN ADS
I’ve revised this intro at least 20 times by now and it dawned on me - who needs a clever intro when you’re about talk about illustrious vintage Halloween advertisements carefully plucked from magazines and newspapers? Not me. Not anyone. I found some pretty fun ones - I’m confident they’ll make up for the lack of a charismatic introductory paragraph.
CREST PUMPKIN 1983
Ah, the age old tale of dentist vs Halloween. We’ve all heard the shtick in one form or another whether it be dentists outright hating Halloween or a dentist in some random neighborhood handing out tooth brushes to trick-or-treaters. Even this ad starts off expressing dentists dismay over the holiday.
The narrative always confused me. Maybe I’m just a glass half full kinda guy but wouldn’t a dentist be thrilled for a time of year when cavities are most prevalent? I’d sooner believe Halloween was designed to keep the drill bits turning and fluoride flowing.
Regardless, Crest has made a nice simple scene here with a jolly jacko grinning from ear to ear to advertise their Advanced Formula with Flouristat to ensure those Halloween treats don’t come back to haunt your kids teeth. It's a win-win: kids get candy, dentists get business, and Crest gets to be the hero.
BUBBLE YUM
"Show us your bubble!" Bubble Yum proclaimed in 1988, apparently oblivious to how that phrase might tickle our modern funny bones. But, I digress - the ad features a couple of costumed kiddos channeling their inner monsters in pursuit of the era's hottest tech treasures. In simpler terms - LITTLE MONSTERS BLOWING BUBBLEGUM FOR VCRs!
As someone born just a year shy of this bubblegum bonanza, I can only imagine the frenzy. Even my 5-year-old self in '94 would have been chomping at the bit (or gum) for a shot at some sweet, sweet VCR action.
FRANK N’ STUFF
Most of you already know the glory that is Frank N’ Stuff Hotdogs by now - a whacky monster fronted line of hotdogs stuffed with chili or cheese from Hormel. Perhaps it’s news to some that there was at one point a $10k instant winner giveaway promo in 1987.
Here's the kicker: you could win by buying their delightfully stuffed dogs OR by simply sending a letter. That's right, Hormel was basically throwing money at people faster than Frankenstein's monster runs from angry villagers.
Speaking of the big green guy, I love that the ad features him illegally printing cash through some convoluted hotdog recycling scheme.
MARSHMALLOW KRISPIES CEREAL
Before they decided to melt the two together for a cereal of their own in the 90s, we were given Marshmallow Krispies cereal in the early 80s. If you were lucky enough, you would’ve come across this advertisement with a coupon for a whopping 15 cents off your next purchase of the cereal. Inflation, am I right?
I always get a kick out of these recipes for the holiday season. Why eat regular Rice Krispie treats when you can channel your inner Martha Stewart, sculpt a pumpkin, slap on more icing than a birthday cake and eat yourself to diabetic shock?
While I do love the sight of the jack-o’-lanterns which sorta resemble smaller bootleg versions of Dumpy the Pumpkin - there’s something about the ominous glow of the orange text against the shadowy background that feels so unmistakably Halloween.
SPUDS MACKENZIE BUD LIGHT
Universal loves themselves a giveaway opportunity. Whether it’s coupled with root beer or real beer - they wanted to give a select few either money or a trip to their amusement parks on many occasions. Which brings me to Bud Light.
While a ton of the Halloween ads from Bud Light were fronted by beautiful busty goth women, a few were fronted by our pal, Spuds MacKenzie - a bull terrier mascot who took the late 80s by storm.
Things I’ve learned about Spuds since writing this article.
Spuds is a female
Spuds was hated by moms who thought Bud Light was trying to feed their kids beer
Spuds was so popular that Bud Light retired her in 89 because the company felt she overshadowed the brand
Spuds is amazing in all forms but never better than while she’s pretending to be Dracula
PEANUTS GALLERY GOT MILK
Since 1993, we’ve seen all walks of pop culture featured in the “Got Milk” campaign but it wasn’t until 2011 that the Peanuts gang traded their usual antics for milk mustaches and honored chocolate milk as the official brew of All Hallows’ Eve.
I love the idea that regular milk simply isn’t Halloween-y enough and you should exclusively be drinking chocolate during the haunting season.
Thanks for reading!