SHAKIN’ MUTANTS FROM 1994!

Long time no vlog, eh? Even if this is the only video I do for the season, I figured this would be a fun one to break into it. From 1994, Shakin’ Mutants were wannabe Boglin toys pretending to be decorations that absolutely stole my heart - obviously I’m excited if I’m breaking out the video format.

Like I said, it’s been a long while since I’ve done a video like this. I wasn’t good at it before, I may be even less good at it now - so if the volume level and quality sucks or you’re just flat out not entertained, I went into this fully willing to take all the steam.

I may and or may not do other short videos like this in the near future depending on what I get time for. I set myself up for like 30 ideas and ended on realistically being able to maybe do 2 of them for the season. Time will tell. 

Anyways, enjoy. If you hate it so do I.

VINTAGE HALLOWEEN ADS

I’ve revised this intro at least 20 times by now and it dawned on me - who needs a clever intro when you’re about talk about illustrious vintage Halloween advertisements carefully plucked from magazines and newspapers? Not me. Not anyone. I found some pretty fun ones - I’m confident they’ll make up for the lack of a charismatic introductory paragraph.

CREST PUMPKIN 1983

Ah, the age old tale of dentist vs Halloween. We’ve all heard the shtick in one form or another whether it be dentists outright hating Halloween or a dentist in some random neighborhood handing out tooth brushes to trick-or-treaters. Even this ad starts off expressing dentists dismay over the holiday. 

The narrative always confused me. Maybe I’m just a glass half full kinda guy but wouldn’t a dentist be thrilled for a time of year when cavities are most prevalent? I’d sooner believe Halloween was designed to keep the drill bits turning and fluoride flowing. 

Regardless, Crest has made a nice simple scene here with a jolly jacko grinning from ear to ear to advertise their Advanced Formula with Flouristat to ensure those Halloween treats don’t come back to haunt your kids teeth. It's a win-win: kids get candy, dentists get business, and Crest gets to be the hero.

BUBBLE YUM

"Show us your bubble!" Bubble Yum proclaimed in 1988, apparently oblivious to how that phrase might tickle our modern funny bones. But, I digress - the ad features a couple of costumed kiddos channeling their inner monsters in pursuit of the era's hottest tech treasures. In simpler terms - LITTLE MONSTERS BLOWING BUBBLEGUM FOR VCRs!

As someone born just a year shy of this bubblegum bonanza, I can only imagine the frenzy. Even my 5-year-old self in '94 would have been chomping at the bit (or gum) for a shot at some sweet, sweet VCR action.

FRANK N’ STUFF

Most of you already know the glory that is Frank N’ Stuff Hotdogs by now - a whacky monster fronted line of hotdogs stuffed with chili or cheese from Hormel. Perhaps it’s news to some that there was at one point a $10k instant winner giveaway promo in 1987.

Here's the kicker: you could win by buying their delightfully stuffed dogs OR by simply sending a letter. That's right, Hormel was basically throwing money at people faster than Frankenstein's monster runs from angry villagers.

Speaking of the big green guy, I love that the ad features him illegally printing cash through some convoluted hotdog recycling scheme.

MARSHMALLOW KRISPIES CEREAL

Before they decided to melt the two together for a cereal of their own in the 90s, we were given Marshmallow Krispies cereal in the early 80s. If you were lucky enough, you would’ve come across this advertisement with a coupon for a whopping 15 cents off your next purchase of the cereal. Inflation, am I right?

I always get a kick out of these recipes for the holiday season. Why eat regular Rice Krispie treats when you can channel your inner Martha Stewart, sculpt a pumpkin, slap on more icing than a birthday cake and eat yourself to diabetic shock?

While I do love the sight of the jack-o’-lanterns which sorta resemble smaller bootleg versions of Dumpy the Pumpkin - there’s something about the ominous glow of the orange text against the shadowy background that feels so unmistakably Halloween.

SPUDS MACKENZIE BUD LIGHT

Universal loves themselves a giveaway opportunity. Whether it’s coupled with root beer or real beer - they wanted to give a select few either money or a trip to their amusement parks on many occasions. Which brings me to Bud Light. 

While a ton of the Halloween ads from Bud Light were fronted by beautiful busty goth women, a few were fronted by our pal, Spuds MacKenzie - a bull terrier mascot who took the late 80s by storm. 

Things I’ve learned about Spuds since writing this article.

1. Spuds is a female

2. Spuds was hated by moms who thought Bud Light was trying to feed their kids beer

3. Spuds was so popular that Bud Light retired her in 89 because the company felt she overshadowed the brand

4. Spuds is amazing in all forms but never better than while she’s pretending to be Dracula

PEANUTS GALLERY GOT MILK

Since 1993, we’ve seen all walks of pop culture featured in the “Got Milk” campaign but it wasn’t until 2011 that the Peanuts gang traded their usual antics for milk mustaches and honored chocolate milk as the official brew of All Hallows’ Eve.

I love the idea that regular milk simply isn’t Halloween-y enough and you should exclusively be drinking chocolate during the haunting season.

Thanks for reading!

RARE HALLOWEEN MCNUGGET BUDDIES!

McDonald's and Halloween - a pairing as iconic as Big Macs and post-meal regret. We've all gushed over their festive pails - the Holy Grail of trick-or-treat receptacles, praised their spooky bags as if they're couture fashion, and analyzed their costumed McNuggets with the fervor of art critics dissecting a Renaissance masterpiece. It’s safe to say each of those Halloween offerings from the golden arches has its own metaphorical plaque in the fast-food hall of fame. Yet, there is one set that remains mostly unheard of.

Just when you thought you'd seen every McNugget, from Count McNugula to Ronald McDonald's long-lost goth cousin, there's a set that's been lurking in the shadows since 1998. While the rest of the world was doing the Macarena, Australia was busy hoarding a secret treasure - the elusive McNugget Ghouls! These guys are so rare, most people have a better chance of spotting Jaws in their bathtub than owning the four specimens in this lineup.

The fearsome foursome includes McGhost (the shy type who's always transparent about his feelings), McFrankie (assembled from leftover parts of other menu items), McWolf (who howls at the golden arches instead of the moon), and McDrac (who sucks the flavor out of your fries instead of your blood). The names may not be as clever as their US counterparts, but what they lack in birth names, they make up for with their ominous, spooky glowing skin. It's like they've been marinated in nuclear waste - a real testament to McDonald's commitment to "all-natural" ingredients.

While we did get a ghost, Frankenstein, and a Dracula variant here in the States, these Aussie aberrations are completely different sculpts. Then there's the addition of McWolf, a red/orange-haired lupine McNugget who absolutely needed to be carrying two dog bones to get the point of his costume across.

It feels good to have finally completed the Halloween McNugget sets - a quest that's been years in the making and has cost me way more than a few Big Mac meals. I've heard rumors of these legendary glow in the dark Halloween McNuggets for ages and only assumed them to be urban legends, like the mythical McPizza or the fabled always-working ice cream machine. But I finally took the plunge and snagged a few on eBay, proving that with enough determination, even the most elusive McNuggets can be caught.

LINGERING THOUGHTS

1. How does McDrac like his coffee? Weird question…. but De-coffin-ated.

2. How many Happy Meals could I have bought instead of these toys? I plead the 5th.
   

3. Why doesn’t the ice cream machine ever work? I don’t know… I only go there for Halloween stuff.

Thanks for reading!

SO, MY FOLKS WERE UP IN THE ATTIC THE OTHER DAY….

You've heard those urban legends about lucky folks stumbling upon hidden treasures in their homes, right? Welp, I have officially joined that exclusive club of accidental Indiana Joneses!

For seven long years, I've been living in my cozy abode, blissfully ignoring the mysterious realm above my head - aka the attic - aka the mythical land of forgotten junk and potential serial killer lair. Fate recently made other plans.

It all started with some innocent kitchen renovations. Little did I know that updating my culinary corner would lead to a full-blown "Night at the Museum" situation. Enter my girlfriend and her father - the dynamic duo of curiosity and terrible timing. On a random Thursday night, while I'm trying to be all professional and podcast-y, in classic girlfriend and father fashion, these two decide it's the perfect moment for an attic expedition at 9pm.

So there I am, headphones on, trying to sound intelligent, when suddenly - THUMP THUMP THUMP - the ceiling starts shaking like we're in "Jumanji." Before I know it, I'm being summoned to witness the grand unveiling of our attic's secrets.

And boy, oh boy, what secrets they were! Nestled between a Barbie Dream House (slightly haunted, I suspect) and enough vintage National Geographics to wallpaper the Taj Mahal, we struck a motherload of Halloween goodies!

Imagine my shock when I realized we'd unearthed vintage die-cut decor and trick-or-treat bags (bags not pictured - saving them for later) - some of which I'd been lusting after on eBay to share this season. The attic gods heard my spooky prayers and decided to deliver - for free! Oh, and I can’t forget the sweet glow in the dark witch poster!

But wait, there's more! We also discovered the previous owner's high school diplomas. And the pièce de résistance - a collection of grade school Halloween crafts! Believe me when I say I absolutely wept with joy!

Now, being the upstanding citizen that I am (ha!), I'm returning the diplomas to their rightful owners. But those delightfully creepy kiddie crafts? Oh, they're staying put. Call me weird, call me eccentric, but those paper ghosts have found their forever home.

So, the next time you're pondering whether to explore that dusty corner of your house, remember my tale. You never know - you might just find your own personal jackpot.

Thanks so much for reading!

VINTAGE HALLOWEEN TRICK-OR-TREAT BAGS PT. 1

Emblazoned with grinning pumpkins, cartoonish witches, and not-so-scary ghosts; If you grew up trick-or-treating during the 80’s and 90’s, chances are you toted one of these flimsy plastic Halloween promotional bags from your local grocery store, fast food joint, or department store.

Originally destined for a one-night stand with confectionery glory, who knew 40 years later we'd be waxing so poetically over spooky orange and yellow plastic bags? They’re more than just that, they’re little snapshots of an era of Halloween I sometimes feel no longer exists. From General Mills to Dominos, join me for a dive into a collection of vintage trick-or-treat bags and explore beloved designs that defined Halloween for multiple generations of kids. Together we will unpack some fantastic plastic memories in non-biodegradable materials!

CEREAL MONSTERS

Thanks to the Flickr collection of Gregg Koenig, we know these are possibly from the 70s. Do I know what year with 100% certainty? Absolutely not. But let's pretend we're cereal archaeologists and roll with it. What I do know is that these were obtained with two proofs of purchase of any Monster Cereal. This was back when cereal companies would offer little incentives for purchasing sugar coated cardboard. 

One may have a hard time believing this beautiful bag is 50+ years old as it managed to maintain looking brand new like it’s hot off the press! The art is goofy and fun and double sided at that! If the simple montage of the trio with their jack-o’-lantern (which I’m assuming the Count carved, he’s extra proud here) wasn’t enough, the back sports and alternate art with the trio being chased by some dick head kid. They could’ve easily used the same image for both sides but went the extra mile!

DOMINOS PIZZA

Ladies, gentlemen, and creatures of the night, meet the unholy offspring of The Noid and Dracula - Noid-ula! I’m assuming this Domino’s Pizza bag was produced in the late 80s to mid 90s as that was around the time the Noid was being used as Dominos marketing mascot. 

The bag, which I found last year scouring the depths of my eBay watchlist at 3 AM, sports a strikingly mesmerizing color palette. It’s like a Lisa Frank folder had a baby with a Halloween rave. The more you look, the more you see the finer details. It’s been an entire year and I only just noticed the little yellow and purple monsters near the bottom of Noids casket playing hide and seek with my sanity.

“Keep your fangs out of my candy!” feels like such a Bart Simpson-esque threat and honestly makes complete sense. This bag has enough attitude to warrant detention every day after school. Eat my shorts.

CASPER

Here we see the Harvey Cartoons/Comics version of Casper. It’s hard to say exactly when this bag was produced as there isn’t a plethora of information about it online. I’ve gathered it’s slightly rare. I’ve only ever seen it once on eBay and there are half a dozen Reddit posts each desperately seeking any leads to it. This one was oddly enough part of the random collection residing in the attic of my house that we found earlier in the beginning of August. 

In case you didn’t know, the three ghosts with the Dairy Queen curl at their heads are Casper’s uncles - Fatso, Lazo and Fusso. This was before his uncles got their 1995 movie makeover. The little one with the freckles is Caspers cousin, Spooky. With the addition of Spooky, this bag has to be at least older than 1955 since that’s when he was conceived.

It’s in slightly rough shape with some color loss but its age hasn’t diminished its charm. Look at Caspers little ghost feet - if that doesn't make you say "aww," check your pulse, you might be dead.

ORVILLE REDENBACHER #1

Move over, Act II - Orville's throwing a monster mash, and everyone's invited! This is one of the two Orville bags that I’ll eventually get to in a second or theirs part. 

One of the most artful of the lots here, I could get lost in this bag all day - and I don’t just mean sticking my head in it and almost suffocating. I’ll be doing that too but for real, what a beautiful color scheme! This 1981 masterpiece is what happens when Tales from the Crypt meets your microwave.

It's a regular "Who's Who" of Universal Monsters. Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, the Wolf Man - gang's all here! It's like Comic-Con for the undead, but with more butter and less body odor.

SUPER SAFETY #1

This one I assume was obtained at a local grocery store. It seems like anyone in any town or city could have these produced and customized as they felt fit as I’ve seen this exact design marketing other products depending on what store and where you might live. 

As far as I can tell, in terms of advertising, this is the most extravagant one of the bunch by far! It's got more products than a late-night shopping channel. For a grand total of 8 different items - this bag is in every sense of the word a walking billboard! Triaminic cold medicine, Kachoos childrens facial tissues, Karo corn syrup, Minute Maid, Handi-Snacks, Spaghetti-Os! No rhyme, reason or pattern. Whatever the fuck they wanted on this bag was going on it! 

The real prize? The main front and back images - especially the vampire showcasing his cape embellished in Halloween safety rules. Nothing says “be careful” like taking advice from a blood sucking fiend!

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Why is the Noid in a coffin? Too many pizzas delivered on time.
   

2. Why do these bags have so many ads? It's Halloween. Even capitalism likes to dress up.

3. What's with Casper's ghost feet? They’re adorable.

Thank you for joining me to get misty-eyed over glorified plastic garbage bags from a time lost but not forgotten - they live on in our hearts, attics, and probably some landfills.

THE ICE CREAM EXTRAVAGANZA PART 1!

Ah, summer memories. Sun, sand, and… the neighborhoods mobile diabetes dispenser! I have a plethora of profound memories associated with summertime but, not many are as significant as the ice cream truck. It was the neighborhoods’ personal savior; the hottest summer days would fear its arrival. Sweating buckets and contemplating if this is what spontaneous combustion feels like, I’d eagerly await the sound like a dog listening for the word “walk” and chase its jolly high pitched melodies until I reached sweet sugary frozen victory. I vividly remember being one of a dozen overly wiggly excited kids in line faced with the tough decision of selecting THE PERFECT ice cream treat from the vast array of options. In this series, we will be examining a number of those options. From character pops to dessert tacos covered in chocolate; by the time you’re done reading, you’ll swear you can hear those classic ice cream truck jingles in the distance (just kidding, that’s the 90 degree temps pushing you towards insanity).

SCREWBALL

The screwball was never my first choice but it most definitely wasn’t my last either. I can remember a few times thinking I should broaden my tastes and indulge in something unfamiliar. That’s exactly when Screwball was invited to the party. 

With differing variations over the years, this seems to be the basic or “classic” version of itself; a slushy, fruity water ice base with a gum ball hidden at the bottom, all contained in a clear plastic cone. The slush, which was typically cherry, was good but the gum ball entombed under slush waiting to be excavated from its icy grave was even better and well worth the price of admission. Nothing says “fun” like nearly choking on a tasty gum ball while brain freeze paralyzes your face.

KLONDIKE OREO ICE CREAM SANDWICH

Remember Oreo Big Stuf from back in the day? This is basically its ice cream cousin with a cookies and cream ice cream middle. These easily transcended any other version of an ice cream sandwich back then.

The best part - the cookie was soft like it went to therapy and worked through it’s hard exterior, having the mouthfeel like it had previously met a glass of milk and they became best buds. Emotional growth never tasted so good.

MEGA WARHEADS POPSICLE

The 90’s were huge on the sour candy craze so, naturally, Warheads inevitably made it to the freezer aisle because why enjoy your ice cream when you can suffer through it? There has been an astronomical amount of character popsicles that have come and gone over the years but none of them did it quite the way Warheads did.

Sour raspberry, black cherry water ice with strawberry sherbet and a Mega Warheads sour watermelon candy for the mouth! Most character popsicles were dead set on the addition of gum balls for eyes. Warheads went straight for the throat! This thing didn’t mess around. I was lucky enough to painstakingly enjoy this popsicle on numerous occasions. However strong the sour notes were, the flavors were strangely addicting enough that I insisted on going back time and time again. What can I say? I’m kind of an idiot.

COTTON CANDY SWIRL

I don’t know what it was/is about Cotton Candy, but it always appealed to me. Cotton Candy swirl popsicles were no exception to the rule. 

To be honest, the flavor was fine but didn’t really hit the “cotton candy” mark a cotton candy fan would hope. Plus, I never understood the color scheme; It’s like cotton candy had an identity crisis and decided to be a sunset instead. Even so, I rarely cared to question the color. Besides, how can you question something like the credibility of a yellow and pink swirled cotton candy popsicle when it’s approved by a fucking walrus playing a saxophone? Or maybe it’s a baritone…. I’m not at all familiar with the nuances.

GHOULIE

Probably my favorite among the list and not to be confused with Ghoulies the movie, this was another random Good Humor venture into horror.

Bubblegum flavored water ice with one scary bubblegum eyeball. Where there may have been another eyeball, a hole resides (don’t get any weird ideas). It’s a mask! It’s a popsicle! It’s…. probably going to leave you with a sticky face! A really smart gimmick, no doubt; an extra feature for a kid while surely cutting at least a little cost.

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Is there a support group for adults still chasing ice cream trucks? Yes, it’s called “Sprinkles Anonymous” and they meet weekly in parking lots, frantically waving dollar bills at passing vehicles.

2. How many cavities can be directly attributed to the Screwball’s hidden gum ball? More than one…. from personal experience.

3. Does the Ghoulie count as a Halloween costume if you eat it on October 31st? Yes. Also, a Halloween costume that you eat? Bonus points for being economical in these trying times.

Anyways, that’s all I have for now. I hope you enjoyed Part 1 of this frozen escapade of cold memories on a stick! I have a ton of these stickers laying around so expect more popsicle adventures like this in the near future! Thanks for reading!