VINTAGE HALLOWEEN TRICK-OR-TREAT BAGS PT. 2

We’re back with 5 more spooky trick or treat bags! If you missed part one, feel free to click here and catch up. If you’re ready for more, continue onward!

SNUGGLE BEAR 1986

First up, we have Snuggle Bear, the fabric softener mascot who apparently moonlights as a pumpkin patch creeper. At first glance, it's adorable. At second glance, it's a portal to your deepest, darkest fears.

Let's break down this fever dream, shall we?

1. The sky: A weird dull blue, because nothing says "spooky night" like a sky that can't commit to actually being night.

2. The background: Black and white - very “Twilight Zone” of them. 

3. Snuggle's eyes: Dead and grey - probably seen some shit. 

4. The pumpkins: Orange from bottom to stem with grey leaves. Wtf?

Congratulations, Snuggle Bear! You've transformed from cuddly mascot to the harbinger of a dystopian hellscape.

PEPSICO FRITO-LAY UNIVERSAL MONSTERS 1993

The unholy alliance of junk food and classic movie monsters. There’s nothing quite like the thought of Dracula double-fisting Pepsi while the Mummy goes to town on some Doritos. I love that Wolfman here, clearly embarrassed by this corporate sellout, has opted for a Hawaiian shirt. The real MVP. 

The bag is dated “91” but I’m almost positive this was from the 93 promo judging by the similar 3D art style on the boxes of that year. Side note: The Creature from the Black Lagoon was apparently too good for this party. Probably off doing indie films or something.

ORVILLE REDENBACHER 1982

If you caught the first batch of bags from part 1, you’ll remember I mentioned having 2 different Orville Halloween bags. So, here’s the other - this time with a lot more aliens!

I’ve been low key obsessed with the idea of including aliens in Halloween lore. They’re insanely underrepresented for the season but a house decked out like an alien invasion for Halloween is nothing to scoff at. Leave it to old man Redenbacher to include our extraterrestrial buddies in the festivities. Also, where can I purchase fist sized popcorn like he’s handing out?

MCDONALDS CANADA “MCBOO” 1990

Before McBoo made his way to pail form (unintended pun), he haunted many McDonalds items including Halloween certificates and trick-or-treat bags. For example, well… this bag right here. 

Making its way all the way from Canada, you’ll notice the Canadian leaf under the golden arches. While I do own a bunch of bags from the US, for some reason, the Canadian bags, unlike the US counterparts, also include a scene of the McDonald land gang on the back. In this case, we see them happily trick-or-treating with the Fry Kids. 

Notice how they’re all trick-or-treating as themselves? Such creativity. Much wow. Ronald McDonald: "I'm going as a terrifying clown who peddles unhealthy food to children!" Everyone else: "So... yourself?"

SCRUFF MCGRUFFS SAFETY BAG

I had almost forgotten about Scruff McGruff but when I tell you I was quoting his line “Scruff…. McGruff…. Chicago Illinois…. 60652!” almost the moment I remembered, you best believe it. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. Send help. 

Yes, the condition suggests it's been through several wars but I have my reasons for showcasing here. This one was found among the great items left behind by the previous owners in the house I now live in. This was given away here in my town, Saint Mary’s PA from the local Jaycees. What's a Jaycees, you ask? Well, after extensive research, aside from learning that it’s short for “Junior Chamber of Commerce” I can confidently say... I have no idea. But I’m still jazzed the bag came from my town.

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Why don't the McDonald's characters dress up for Halloween? That comes much later in Happy Meal form.

2. What did the Snuggle Bear see? Things that would change you.

3. Is “Jaycee” really short for “Junior Chamber of Commerce?” Barely.

Thanks for reading! There may be one more part to come soon! Until then, keep it spooky!

SHAKIN’ MUTANTS FROM 1994!

Long time no vlog, eh? Even if this is the only video I do for the season, I figured this would be a fun one to break into it. From 1994, Shakin’ Mutants were wannabe Boglin toys pretending to be decorations that absolutely stole my heart - obviously I’m excited if I’m breaking out the video format.

Like I said, it’s been a long while since I’ve done a video like this. I wasn’t good at it before, I may be even less good at it now - so if the volume level and quality sucks or you’re just flat out not entertained, I went into this fully willing to take all the steam.

I may and or may not do other short videos like this in the near future depending on what I get time for. I set myself up for like 30 ideas and ended on realistically being able to maybe do 2 of them for the season. Time will tell. 

Anyways, enjoy. If you hate it so do I.

VINTAGE HALLOWEEN ADS

I’ve revised this intro at least 20 times by now and it dawned on me - who needs a clever intro when you’re about talk about illustrious vintage Halloween advertisements carefully plucked from magazines and newspapers? Not me. Not anyone. I found some pretty fun ones - I’m confident they’ll make up for the lack of a charismatic introductory paragraph.

CREST PUMPKIN 1983

Ah, the age old tale of dentist vs Halloween. We’ve all heard the shtick in one form or another whether it be dentists outright hating Halloween or a dentist in some random neighborhood handing out tooth brushes to trick-or-treaters. Even this ad starts off expressing dentists dismay over the holiday. 

The narrative always confused me. Maybe I’m just a glass half full kinda guy but wouldn’t a dentist be thrilled for a time of year when cavities are most prevalent? I’d sooner believe Halloween was designed to keep the drill bits turning and fluoride flowing. 

Regardless, Crest has made a nice simple scene here with a jolly jacko grinning from ear to ear to advertise their Advanced Formula with Flouristat to ensure those Halloween treats don’t come back to haunt your kids teeth. It's a win-win: kids get candy, dentists get business, and Crest gets to be the hero.

BUBBLE YUM

"Show us your bubble!" Bubble Yum proclaimed in 1988, apparently oblivious to how that phrase might tickle our modern funny bones. But, I digress - the ad features a couple of costumed kiddos channeling their inner monsters in pursuit of the era's hottest tech treasures. In simpler terms - LITTLE MONSTERS BLOWING BUBBLEGUM FOR VCRs!

As someone born just a year shy of this bubblegum bonanza, I can only imagine the frenzy. Even my 5-year-old self in '94 would have been chomping at the bit (or gum) for a shot at some sweet, sweet VCR action.

FRANK N’ STUFF

Most of you already know the glory that is Frank N’ Stuff Hotdogs by now - a whacky monster fronted line of hotdogs stuffed with chili or cheese from Hormel. Perhaps it’s news to some that there was at one point a $10k instant winner giveaway promo in 1987.

Here's the kicker: you could win by buying their delightfully stuffed dogs OR by simply sending a letter. That's right, Hormel was basically throwing money at people faster than Frankenstein's monster runs from angry villagers.

Speaking of the big green guy, I love that the ad features him illegally printing cash through some convoluted hotdog recycling scheme.

MARSHMALLOW KRISPIES CEREAL

Before they decided to melt the two together for a cereal of their own in the 90s, we were given Marshmallow Krispies cereal in the early 80s. If you were lucky enough, you would’ve come across this advertisement with a coupon for a whopping 15 cents off your next purchase of the cereal. Inflation, am I right?

I always get a kick out of these recipes for the holiday season. Why eat regular Rice Krispie treats when you can channel your inner Martha Stewart, sculpt a pumpkin, slap on more icing than a birthday cake and eat yourself to diabetic shock?

While I do love the sight of the jack-o’-lanterns which sorta resemble smaller bootleg versions of Dumpy the Pumpkin - there’s something about the ominous glow of the orange text against the shadowy background that feels so unmistakably Halloween.

SPUDS MACKENZIE BUD LIGHT

Universal loves themselves a giveaway opportunity. Whether it’s coupled with root beer or real beer - they wanted to give a select few either money or a trip to their amusement parks on many occasions. Which brings me to Bud Light. 

While a ton of the Halloween ads from Bud Light were fronted by beautiful busty goth women, a few were fronted by our pal, Spuds MacKenzie - a bull terrier mascot who took the late 80s by storm. 

Things I’ve learned about Spuds since writing this article.

1. Spuds is a female

2. Spuds was hated by moms who thought Bud Light was trying to feed their kids beer

3. Spuds was so popular that Bud Light retired her in 89 because the company felt she overshadowed the brand

4. Spuds is amazing in all forms but never better than while she’s pretending to be Dracula

PEANUTS GALLERY GOT MILK

Since 1993, we’ve seen all walks of pop culture featured in the “Got Milk” campaign but it wasn’t until 2011 that the Peanuts gang traded their usual antics for milk mustaches and honored chocolate milk as the official brew of All Hallows’ Eve.

I love the idea that regular milk simply isn’t Halloween-y enough and you should exclusively be drinking chocolate during the haunting season.

Thanks for reading!

RARE HALLOWEEN MCNUGGET BUDDIES!

McDonald's and Halloween - a pairing as iconic as Big Macs and post-meal regret. We've all gushed over their festive pails - the Holy Grail of trick-or-treat receptacles, praised their spooky bags as if they're couture fashion, and analyzed their costumed McNuggets with the fervor of art critics dissecting a Renaissance masterpiece. It’s safe to say each of those Halloween offerings from the golden arches has its own metaphorical plaque in the fast-food hall of fame. Yet, there is one set that remains mostly unheard of.

Just when you thought you'd seen every McNugget, from Count McNugula to Ronald McDonald's long-lost goth cousin, there's a set that's been lurking in the shadows since 1998. While the rest of the world was doing the Macarena, Australia was busy hoarding a secret treasure - the elusive McNugget Ghouls! These guys are so rare, most people have a better chance of spotting Jaws in their bathtub than owning the four specimens in this lineup.

The fearsome foursome includes McGhost (the shy type who's always transparent about his feelings), McFrankie (assembled from leftover parts of other menu items), McWolf (who howls at the golden arches instead of the moon), and McDrac (who sucks the flavor out of your fries instead of your blood). The names may not be as clever as their US counterparts, but what they lack in birth names, they make up for with their ominous, spooky glowing skin. It's like they've been marinated in nuclear waste - a real testament to McDonald's commitment to "all-natural" ingredients.

While we did get a ghost, Frankenstein, and a Dracula variant here in the States, these Aussie aberrations are completely different sculpts. Then there's the addition of McWolf, a red/orange-haired lupine McNugget who absolutely needed to be carrying two dog bones to get the point of his costume across.

It feels good to have finally completed the Halloween McNugget sets - a quest that's been years in the making and has cost me way more than a few Big Mac meals. I've heard rumors of these legendary glow in the dark Halloween McNuggets for ages and only assumed them to be urban legends, like the mythical McPizza or the fabled always-working ice cream machine. But I finally took the plunge and snagged a few on eBay, proving that with enough determination, even the most elusive McNuggets can be caught.

LINGERING THOUGHTS

1. How does McDrac like his coffee? Weird question…. but De-coffin-ated.

2. How many Happy Meals could I have bought instead of these toys? I plead the 5th.
   

3. Why doesn’t the ice cream machine ever work? I don’t know… I only go there for Halloween stuff.

Thanks for reading!

THE LEFTOVER PIZZA 2024 HALLOWEEN SCARE PACKAGE

UPDATE: BOXES ARE SOLD OUT!!! HIT THE LINK AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PAGE FOR THE WAX MELT BUNDLES WHILE SUPPLIES LASTS!!! Attention mortal souls! The 2024 Leftover Pizza Halloween Scare Package is available now! We have a lot of heavy hitting items in this one so if you want one, act fast - these are extremely limited and ready to ship! Once they’re gone they are gone for good!

Starting things off with this years wax melt - YARD HAUNT HANGS. Dare to melt the essence of All Hallows Eve? Transport yourself to a chilly October evening, crunch through fallen leaves and cedar boughs with an earthy whisper of patchouli rising from forgotten graves. Wisps of smoked oud curl around you like ghostly fingers, while the enigmatic essence of autumn glow dances just out of sight. Ancient spices waft from a witch's cauldron, mingling with the sweet temptation of freshly baked pumpkin treats. From the wax blend to the labels, every element is crafted by yours truly. 

Moving on, each box will contain 2 goodie bags. The first bag will be packed with a small bunch of candy. Then in the other you will find: 

• 2 packs of card by Fleer - one featuring Casper and the other featuring Real Monsters!

• 1 Leftover Pizza Podcast button

• 1 Leftover Pizza Bat sticker

• 1 complete Boo! Book

Also included, each box will contain one of four random Ghostbusters key chains with the chance of Slimer, Muncher, Stay Puft or a Terror Dog! This was a fun little last minute find. Though they are relatively new, I couldn’t pass them up!

Ok guys, I told yas there were some heavy hitters in this one - I meant it! Starting off with a light fun one - each box will contain ALL THREE of these super swank Bud Light Halloween masks along with a pop up table top ad! These things are super cool - hardly wearable but look great in a a frame!

Next up, you’ll each get 2 (1 of each design*) Orville Redenbacher Trick-or-Treat bags! If you’ve been following along, I wrote a little about both of these bags in the Halloween bag series and they are hands down among some of the best bags the 80s had to offer. I made sure to grab the best in the bunch for yous. Keep in mind, these things are super old and not competely perfect.

Then, yous will all receive one sealed Monster in my Pocket blind bag from 1992! I managed to grab these hella early in June and I’ve been so stoked for the reveal this entire time! Each blind bag comes with a mini figure and a character card. 

Finally, ending on perhaps the biggest get - each box will contain 1 sealed Simpsons Spooky Light Up from this lineup in 2001! As with all the contents, as they are boxed and picked at random, I have no control over which character you will get but rest assured - if you haven’t seen these before  each one is an absolute banger!

That is the 2024 Halloween Scare Package! UPDATE: BOXES ARE SOLD OUT! Thanks to everyone who grabbed one! If you’d like to buy the wax melt bundle for $15 shipped (which will come with the two Orville trick-or-treat bags, a pack of Ahh! Real Monsters cards, a pin and a sticker) hit the paypal button bellow while supplies lasts!

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Thanks for purchasing! Here I am modeling the Frankenstein Bud Light mask.

SO, MY FOLKS WERE UP IN THE ATTIC THE OTHER DAY….

You've heard those urban legends about lucky folks stumbling upon hidden treasures in their homes, right? Welp, I have officially joined that exclusive club of accidental Indiana Joneses!

For seven long years, I've been living in my cozy abode, blissfully ignoring the mysterious realm above my head - aka the attic - aka the mythical land of forgotten junk and potential serial killer lair. Fate recently made other plans.

It all started with some innocent kitchen renovations. Little did I know that updating my culinary corner would lead to a full-blown "Night at the Museum" situation. Enter my girlfriend and her father - the dynamic duo of curiosity and terrible timing. On a random Thursday night, while I'm trying to be all professional and podcast-y, in classic girlfriend and father fashion, these two decide it's the perfect moment for an attic expedition at 9pm.

So there I am, headphones on, trying to sound intelligent, when suddenly - THUMP THUMP THUMP - the ceiling starts shaking like we're in "Jumanji." Before I know it, I'm being summoned to witness the grand unveiling of our attic's secrets.

And boy, oh boy, what secrets they were! Nestled between a Barbie Dream House (slightly haunted, I suspect) and enough vintage National Geographics to wallpaper the Taj Mahal, we struck a motherload of Halloween goodies!

Imagine my shock when I realized we'd unearthed vintage die-cut decor and trick-or-treat bags (bags not pictured - saving them for later) - some of which I'd been lusting after on eBay to share this season. The attic gods heard my spooky prayers and decided to deliver - for free! Oh, and I can’t forget the sweet glow in the dark witch poster!

But wait, there's more! We also discovered the previous owner's high school diplomas. And the pièce de résistance - a collection of grade school Halloween crafts! Believe me when I say I absolutely wept with joy!

Now, being the upstanding citizen that I am (ha!), I'm returning the diplomas to their rightful owners. But those delightfully creepy kiddie crafts? Oh, they're staying put. Call me weird, call me eccentric, but those paper ghosts have found their forever home.

So, the next time you're pondering whether to explore that dusty corner of your house, remember my tale. You never know - you might just find your own personal jackpot.

Thanks so much for reading!

VINTAGE HALLOWEEN TRICK-OR-TREAT BAGS PT. 1

Emblazoned with grinning pumpkins, cartoonish witches, and not-so-scary ghosts; If you grew up trick-or-treating during the 80’s and 90’s, chances are you toted one of these flimsy plastic Halloween promotional bags from your local grocery store, fast food joint, or department store.

Originally destined for a one-night stand with confectionery glory, who knew 40 years later we'd be waxing so poetically over spooky orange and yellow plastic bags? They’re more than just that, they’re little snapshots of an era of Halloween I sometimes feel no longer exists. From General Mills to Dominos, join me for a dive into a collection of vintage trick-or-treat bags and explore beloved designs that defined Halloween for multiple generations of kids. Together we will unpack some fantastic plastic memories in non-biodegradable materials!

CEREAL MONSTERS

Thanks to the Flickr collection of Gregg Koenig, we know these are possibly from the 70s. Do I know what year with 100% certainty? Absolutely not. But let's pretend we're cereal archaeologists and roll with it. What I do know is that these were obtained with two proofs of purchase of any Monster Cereal. This was back when cereal companies would offer little incentives for purchasing sugar coated cardboard. 

One may have a hard time believing this beautiful bag is 50+ years old as it managed to maintain looking brand new like it’s hot off the press! The art is goofy and fun and double sided at that! If the simple montage of the trio with their jack-o’-lantern (which I’m assuming the Count carved, he’s extra proud here) wasn’t enough, the back sports and alternate art with the trio being chased by some dick head kid. They could’ve easily used the same image for both sides but went the extra mile!

DOMINOS PIZZA

Ladies, gentlemen, and creatures of the night, meet the unholy offspring of The Noid and Dracula - Noid-ula! I’m assuming this Domino’s Pizza bag was produced in the late 80s to mid 90s as that was around the time the Noid was being used as Dominos marketing mascot. 

The bag, which I found last year scouring the depths of my eBay watchlist at 3 AM, sports a strikingly mesmerizing color palette. It’s like a Lisa Frank folder had a baby with a Halloween rave. The more you look, the more you see the finer details. It’s been an entire year and I only just noticed the little yellow and purple monsters near the bottom of Noids casket playing hide and seek with my sanity.

“Keep your fangs out of my candy!” feels like such a Bart Simpson-esque threat and honestly makes complete sense. This bag has enough attitude to warrant detention every day after school. Eat my shorts.

CASPER

Here we see the Harvey Cartoons/Comics version of Casper. It’s hard to say exactly when this bag was produced as there isn’t a plethora of information about it online. I’ve gathered it’s slightly rare. I’ve only ever seen it once on eBay and there are half a dozen Reddit posts each desperately seeking any leads to it. This one was oddly enough part of the random collection residing in the attic of my house that we found earlier in the beginning of August. 

In case you didn’t know, the three ghosts with the Dairy Queen curl at their heads are Casper’s uncles - Fatso, Lazo and Fusso. This was before his uncles got their 1995 movie makeover. The little one with the freckles is Caspers cousin, Spooky. With the addition of Spooky, this bag has to be at least older than 1955 since that’s when he was conceived.

It’s in slightly rough shape with some color loss but its age hasn’t diminished its charm. Look at Caspers little ghost feet - if that doesn't make you say "aww," check your pulse, you might be dead.

ORVILLE REDENBACHER #1

Move over, Act II - Orville's throwing a monster mash, and everyone's invited! This is one of the two Orville bags that I’ll eventually get to in a second or theirs part. 

One of the most artful of the lots here, I could get lost in this bag all day - and I don’t just mean sticking my head in it and almost suffocating. I’ll be doing that too but for real, what a beautiful color scheme! This 1981 masterpiece is what happens when Tales from the Crypt meets your microwave.

It's a regular "Who's Who" of Universal Monsters. Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, the Wolf Man - gang's all here! It's like Comic-Con for the undead, but with more butter and less body odor.

SUPER SAFETY #1

This one I assume was obtained at a local grocery store. It seems like anyone in any town or city could have these produced and customized as they felt fit as I’ve seen this exact design marketing other products depending on what store and where you might live. 

As far as I can tell, in terms of advertising, this is the most extravagant one of the bunch by far! It's got more products than a late-night shopping channel. For a grand total of 8 different items - this bag is in every sense of the word a walking billboard! Triaminic cold medicine, Kachoos childrens facial tissues, Karo corn syrup, Minute Maid, Handi-Snacks, Spaghetti-Os! No rhyme, reason or pattern. Whatever the fuck they wanted on this bag was going on it! 

The real prize? The main front and back images - especially the vampire showcasing his cape embellished in Halloween safety rules. Nothing says “be careful” like taking advice from a blood sucking fiend!

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Why is the Noid in a coffin? Too many pizzas delivered on time.
   

2. Why do these bags have so many ads? It's Halloween. Even capitalism likes to dress up.

3. What's with Casper's ghost feet? They’re adorable.

Thank you for joining me to get misty-eyed over glorified plastic garbage bags from a time lost but not forgotten - they live on in our hearts, attics, and probably some landfills.

RANDOM THOUGHTS: 5 TIMES THE SUN WAS TOO HOT

Let’s just say I have no fucking clue what this blog entry is even about. It’s an easy-going Sunday, let’s just let it be what it is. Since it's still summer, let's explore five times when the sun was just too hot. Does that even make any sense? Probably not. Anyways, consider this a “random thoughts” type of entry with a summer theme - stuff that might not make for a good individual read, but together, they create a longer and perhaps amusing compilation (hopefully).

SUPER MARIO 3 - ANGRY SUN

You know you’re in a bad spot when you’re running through a Goomba ridden desert with quick sand, tornadoes and endless pits at every corner. But it doesn’t stop there in world 2 level 5 of Super Mario Bros. 3…. what a nightmare. 

You think, "How could this get worse?" Enter the Sun, deciding to play a game of "Whack-a-Plumber." Imagine making it through every obstacle previously mentioned then this celestial body descends from the sky to chase and try to kill you, making it one of the most insane levels in the game.

HEY ARNOLD - HEAT

In this scorching episode, the entire city of Hillwood, Washington, is desperately trying to escape the extreme heat of a summer Sunday. Arnold and Gerald's quest for coolness is thwarted at every turn - long theater lines, overcrowded pools, and the Jolly-Olly Man price-gouging once-cheap frozen treats.

The scene that lives rent-free in my head? Sid getting pissed at his buddy for taking too long using the slushy machine like a baptismal font. The magenta, sludgy frozen drink looks bizarre, but they're enjoying it in ways never intended.

WEEKEND AT BERNIES - ROOFTOP SCENE

When it comes to summer movies, Weekend at Bernies and its sequel are the two that instantly come to my mind. Larry Wilson and Richard Parker are two low-level financial employees at an insurance company in New York City. While going over reports, Richard discovers a series of payments made for the same death. He and Larry take their findings to the CEO, the wealthy and hedonistic Bernie Lomax, who commends them for discovering the insurance fraud and invites them to his beach house in the Hamptons for labor day weekend. Lucky them!

Before our heroes embark on their corpse-puppeteering adventure, we see them pathetically simulating a beach day on a scorching New York City rooftop. Complete with beach chairs and a kiddie pool, it's a sad picture of "summer in the city." The melting tar ruining shoes and papers makes me cringe every single time.

PETE AND PETE - THE GREAT BLUE TORNADO BAR PANIC

Ah, the coming of age adventures of two brothers named Pete. In the Mr. Tastee-centric episode What We Did on Our Summer Vacation, the Petes and Ellen try to befriend Mr. Tastee the friendly-yet-secretive-and-mysterious neighborhood ice-cream man. 

Mr. Tastee vanishes as the summer heat intensifies. Deprived of their beloved Blue Tornado bars, the local kids start hallucinating from ice cream withdrawal, highlighting the crucial role of frozen treats in summer survival.

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD - DESERT

Ending on an absolute classic way-too-hot scene! Our dynamic duo proves that in extreme heat, IQ points evaporate faster than water in Death Valley. Beavis's brilliant hydration plan - eating a peyote cactus - turns their desert trek into a White Zombie music video. Because nothing says "summer adventure" quite like hallucinating your way through a sandbox of doom.

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Is this article generating more heat or more indifference? The only thing warming up is my laptop from the effort of writing this.

2. Could Mr. Tastee save this blog post with a Blue Tornado bar? Not even the sweetest treat could mask the flavor of desperation in these words.

3. If this article were ice cream, what flavor would it be? Unflavored ice milk - bland, unsatisfying, and leaving you wondering why you bothered.

There you have it, heat seekers - a tour through random sun-stroked moments in pop culture, wrapped up in a blog post that's about as refreshing as a hot car seat in August. Stay cool, stay hydrated, stay tuned!

VINTAGE KOOL-AID PART 1

Consider this my ode to the good old days when hydration meant sugar-shock and artificial colors that would make a rainbow jealous. A time when our biggest worry was whether we'd end up with a purple mustache or a blue tongue. I'm talking about the nectar of the gods: Kool-Aid!

To me, making Kool-Aid wasn't just mixing a drink; it was a sacred ritual that rivaled ancient alchemy. Those little packets were like vials of powdered magical elixirs for your taste buds. And the main ingredient? A mountain of sugar so vast, it needed its own zip code.

And sure, Kool-Aid was an all-season MVP in most households, but what time better to talk about Kool-Aid than summertime? On the hottest days, that icy cup of sugar water hit harder than puberty. Just to add to it, back in the day, the Kool-Aid Man wasn't only bursting through walls—he was bursting with hand-drawn charm, flanked by a menagerie of critters that looked like they stumbled out of a groovy acid trip. It was art, I tell you! Art you could drink! So, today, let’s take a trip into the technicolor world of Kool-Aid packets!

PURPLESAURUS REX

Move over, Barney! This grape-lemonade lovechild stomped onto the scene in 1989, proving dinosaurs aren't extinct - they're just hiding in your drink mix. Legend has it, you can channel your inner flavor necromancer and resurrect this discontinued delight by mixing grape and lemonade Kool-Aid.

Fun fact, Purplesaurus Rex Kool Aid comes from grape and lemon filled volcanoes - a prehistoric eruption of flavor!

SHARKLEBERRY FIN

Another fun debut in 1989, Sharkleberry Fin - Imagine Jaws with a juice sponsorship, sporting oversized novelty Dollar Tree glasses. Oh, and he’s pink!

Sharkleberry is the only mascot that survived the flavor extinction after the resurgence in 2014 and still swims in packet and bulk powder form today. He may have lost his pink skin and sunglasses, but his Kool Aid still tastes like a pool party in a cup!

ROCK-A-DILE RED

As far as I can tell, 1991 seems like the year our red friend Rock-a-dile debuted, some Kool Aid purist is out there angry at all of these dates I’m sure. Listen, I’m not perfect and I’ll take no offense at being stood corrected.

A mixed berry punch comprised of cherries, grapes and strawberries that brought new meaning to 'see you later, alligator.' Plus, Rock-a-dile is an anthropomorphic croc setting him apart from the whole crew of mascots. Part gator, part rock star, all attitude. He also plays the sax - yes, it matters!

GREAT BLUEDINI

Next, we’re off to 1992 with the Introduction of the octopus magician, Great Bluedini! Perhaps the most wild of the bunch; this eight-armed illusionist swam onto the scene, turning green powder into blue liquid faster than you can say 'abra kadabra.' But the real magic trick? It tastes like fruit punch! I’m almost surprised by the flavor but then again, it’s an octopus magician… things were bound to get weird.

PINK SWIMMINGO

And finally, my personal favorite of the bunch, PINK SWIMMINGO! Introduced in 1993, the Kool-Aid Man and a flamingo life guard teamed up for a watermelon cherry lemonade so beautiful it made angels cry sweet pink tears of joy and trade their harps for pool noodles.

There are few things I love more than flamingos in summertime - when you slap beachy lifeguard gear on them and throw them on a delicious flavor of Kool Aid - you’re speaking the only language I choose to understand. If summer had an official color and flavor, it would be this fabulous flamingo in a glass!

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Is Pink Swimmingo the reason flamingos are pink? That’s the story as I know it and I won’t be told otherwise.

2. What happened to all the leftover Purplesaurus Rex when it was discontinued? It fossilized into grape-flavored geodes, now sold at overpriced gift shops near you!

3. Could Great Bluedini predict the future of discontinued flavors? Only if you shook the pitcher three times and asked very nicely.

From prehistoric purple pals to saxophonist swamp dwellers, one thing's for sure: these wild Kool-Aid flavors were the real MVPs of our childhood. They may be gone, but they're certainly not forgotten! Thanks for reading!

THE TOYBOX DIARIES PART 1 - SUMMER EDITION

Summer's here, and you know what that means: time to slather on enough SPF to make an albino jealous and embrace the season of sweat stains! Since I made the questionable decision to hoard vintage toys (judge me all you want, at least I'm not collecting shot glasses or belly button lint), let me dazzle you with toys that scream "summer" louder than a seagull eyeing your beach snacks. What else were you gonna do for the next five minutes? Actually go outside? Please... I've already braved the great outdoors to play with these bad boys in my strawberry plants, all for your entertainment and it was just barely worth it…. You’re welcome.

TIGER ELECTRONICS CAPTAIN PLANET “DUKE NUKEM” 1991

Is he a corn cob? A pineapple? The unholy offspring of a lemon and a nuclear reactor? Why not all three? Regardless, he’s Duke Nukem and he’s ready to party harder than a frat boy on spring break!

Duke Nukem, if you recall, is one of Captain Planets finest foes. You may be familiar with the less colorful glow in the dark version of this figure mostly because this variant pictured here was a European release. While the other version got the glow in the dark treatment, this one got the “electronic noises and blinking red eyes with the press of a button” treatment with a “dad who’s ready to flip burgers at the cookout” styled look.

SEWER SPITTING TMNT 1992

1992 - the year fashion forgot but toy designers clearly remembered! When people say that the 80s blends into the early 90s, this is what they mean. Here we have one of the most summery, colorful lines from Ninja Turtles in Playmates Toys history. The lineup: Beach combing Mike, Lifeguard Leo, Sewer-Cyclin’ Raph and Spike N’ Volley Don.

With accessories to the brim, these turtles are more loaded than your cousin after a trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And just like your cousin, they also spit! But with water, thankfully. Each turtle has a rubber container built into their shell that fills up with water which can then be squeezed to make them spit water making them the perfect pool toy. Or the perfect destroy dinner time toy… pick your poison.

ARMY ANTS 1987

If you have a strong phobia of bugs, tread lightly from here on out. But realistically, what says summer more than an invasion of creepy crawlies?

For when regular ants ruining your picnic just isn't enough, here we have the classic 80s toy line, Army Ants! If you’re not familiar, these anthropomorphic ants sported some army getup and came in both blue and orange. The idea, if it’s not obvious, two 6 legged armies pitted against each other because the old green totally normal human soldiers just didn’t cut it anymore. The fun factor didn’t stop there. These things had squishy removable pink and green butts!

BEAST WARS PREDACON RETRAX

Speaking of bugs, meet BEAST WARS PREDACON RETRAX, the pillbug that's harder to stand up than your drunk uncle at a family barbecue. This little guy is supposedly a desert destroyer who burrows through tunnels of his fallen victims, but I think he'd struggle to destroy a sandcastle.

I spent exactly 260 hours trying to get him to stand up long enough to take an awkward photo with my neighbors watching. He’s an extremely top heavy figure once he’s transformed. The real fun is when he’s still in bug form. So, he’s a pillbug (those little goofy rolly polly bugs) which they’ve achieved surprisingly well!

TMNT MEGA MUTANTS KILLER BEE AND NEEDLENOSE

Surprise surprise! Yeah, it’s more Turtle figures! Yeah, I’m predictable, sue me. But we’re on a big streak, we had to keep it going. Now, buckle up for a wild ride through the insect kingdom on steroids!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up to witness the most buzzworthy spectacle in town - Killer Bee and Needlenose, the MEGA MUTANTS! These aren't your garden-variety creepy crawlies. These are jumbo-sized, action-packed insect taxis for your toys, courtesy of everyone's favorite disembodied brain, Krang!

First up, meet Killer Bee - the Foot Clan's answer to "What if we crossed a bee with a prison and a hardware store?" This bad boy comes equipped with an electric chair seat (for that extra tingle), a ball and chain (for plastic criminals), and a pollinator pistol (because even evil bees have day jobs). And if that wasn't enough, throw in some handcuffs and a chainsaw, because why not? It's the Swiss Army Knife of criminal insects!

But wait, there's more! Introducing Needlenose, the jet-fighting mosquito from Dimension X. This reformed bug went from sucking blood to sucking up to the good guys faster than you can say "turtle power." Donatello must've given him quite the pep talk after the “bug-napping” (it says Donnie basically stole him from Krang on the back of his box). With a tongue for a seat, bee-seeking missiles, and a rotating tail gunner, this mosquito is ready to turn any killer bee into a swatted bee.

So whether you're team stinger or team proboscis, these mega mutants are sure to create quite the buzz in your toy box. Just remember, kids: in this world, it's either bee or bee not - there is no fly!"

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Can I incorporate this into my summer workout routine? Absolutely. Nothing builds core strength like hunching over tiny action figures for hours on end.

2. Is Needlenose an effective mode of transportation? If your idea of effective transportation includes airsickness and the constant fear of being swatted, absolutely.

3. Can Duke Nukem protect you from sunburn? He can't even protect himself from looking like an overripe fruit. You're on your own, pal.

So there you have it! Whether you're hitting the beach or hiding from the sun in your air-conditioned fortress, remember: summer is all about fun, and nothing says fun like grown adults taking photos of children's toys from decades ago in front of your neighbors (nostalgias a hell of a drug). Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some important business to attend to - teaching my Army Ants the finer points of strawberry garden construction. Thanks for reading!