VINTAGE HALLOWEEN TRICK-OR-TREAT BAGS PT. 2

We’re back with 5 more spooky trick or treat bags! If you missed part one, feel free to click here and catch up. If you’re ready for more, continue onward!

SNUGGLE BEAR 1986

First up, we have Snuggle Bear, the fabric softener mascot who apparently moonlights as a pumpkin patch creeper. At first glance, it's adorable. At second glance, it's a portal to your deepest, darkest fears.

Let's break down this fever dream, shall we?

1. The sky: A weird dull blue, because nothing says "spooky night" like a sky that can't commit to actually being night.

2. The background: Black and white - very “Twilight Zone” of them. 

3. Snuggle's eyes: Dead and grey - probably seen some shit. 

4. The pumpkins: Orange from bottom to stem with grey leaves. Wtf?

Congratulations, Snuggle Bear! You've transformed from cuddly mascot to the harbinger of a dystopian hellscape.

PEPSICO FRITO-LAY UNIVERSAL MONSTERS 1993

The unholy alliance of junk food and classic movie monsters. There’s nothing quite like the thought of Dracula double-fisting Pepsi while the Mummy goes to town on some Doritos. I love that Wolfman here, clearly embarrassed by this corporate sellout, has opted for a Hawaiian shirt. The real MVP. 

The bag is dated “91” but I’m almost positive this was from the 93 promo judging by the similar 3D art style on the boxes of that year. Side note: The Creature from the Black Lagoon was apparently too good for this party. Probably off doing indie films or something.

ORVILLE REDENBACHER 1982

If you caught the first batch of bags from part 1, you’ll remember I mentioned having 2 different Orville Halloween bags. So, here’s the other - this time with a lot more aliens!

I’ve been low key obsessed with the idea of including aliens in Halloween lore. They’re insanely underrepresented for the season but a house decked out like an alien invasion for Halloween is nothing to scoff at. Leave it to old man Redenbacher to include our extraterrestrial buddies in the festivities. Also, where can I purchase fist sized popcorn like he’s handing out?

MCDONALDS CANADA “MCBOO” 1990

Before McBoo made his way to pail form (unintended pun), he haunted many McDonalds items including Halloween certificates and trick-or-treat bags. For example, well… this bag right here. 

Making its way all the way from Canada, you’ll notice the Canadian leaf under the golden arches. While I do own a bunch of bags from the US, for some reason, the Canadian bags, unlike the US counterparts, also include a scene of the McDonald land gang on the back. In this case, we see them happily trick-or-treating with the Fry Kids. 

Notice how they’re all trick-or-treating as themselves? Such creativity. Much wow. Ronald McDonald: "I'm going as a terrifying clown who peddles unhealthy food to children!" Everyone else: "So... yourself?"

SCRUFF MCGRUFFS SAFETY BAG

I had almost forgotten about Scruff McGruff but when I tell you I was quoting his line “Scruff…. McGruff…. Chicago Illinois…. 60652!” almost the moment I remembered, you best believe it. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. Send help. 

Yes, the condition suggests it's been through several wars but I have my reasons for showcasing here. This one was found among the great items left behind by the previous owners in the house I now live in. This was given away here in my town, Saint Mary’s PA from the local Jaycees. What's a Jaycees, you ask? Well, after extensive research, aside from learning that it’s short for “Junior Chamber of Commerce” I can confidently say... I have no idea. But I’m still jazzed the bag came from my town.

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Why don't the McDonald's characters dress up for Halloween? That comes much later in Happy Meal form.

2. What did the Snuggle Bear see? Things that would change you.

3. Is “Jaycee” really short for “Junior Chamber of Commerce?” Barely.

Thanks for reading! There may be one more part to come soon! Until then, keep it spooky!

VINTAGE HALLOWEEN ADS

I’ve revised this intro at least 20 times by now and it dawned on me - who needs a clever intro when you’re about talk about illustrious vintage Halloween advertisements carefully plucked from magazines and newspapers? Not me. Not anyone. I found some pretty fun ones - I’m confident they’ll make up for the lack of a charismatic introductory paragraph.

CREST PUMPKIN 1983

Ah, the age old tale of dentist vs Halloween. We’ve all heard the shtick in one form or another whether it be dentists outright hating Halloween or a dentist in some random neighborhood handing out tooth brushes to trick-or-treaters. Even this ad starts off expressing dentists dismay over the holiday. 

The narrative always confused me. Maybe I’m just a glass half full kinda guy but wouldn’t a dentist be thrilled for a time of year when cavities are most prevalent? I’d sooner believe Halloween was designed to keep the drill bits turning and fluoride flowing. 

Regardless, Crest has made a nice simple scene here with a jolly jacko grinning from ear to ear to advertise their Advanced Formula with Flouristat to ensure those Halloween treats don’t come back to haunt your kids teeth. It's a win-win: kids get candy, dentists get business, and Crest gets to be the hero.

BUBBLE YUM

"Show us your bubble!" Bubble Yum proclaimed in 1988, apparently oblivious to how that phrase might tickle our modern funny bones. But, I digress - the ad features a couple of costumed kiddos channeling their inner monsters in pursuit of the era's hottest tech treasures. In simpler terms - LITTLE MONSTERS BLOWING BUBBLEGUM FOR VCRs!

As someone born just a year shy of this bubblegum bonanza, I can only imagine the frenzy. Even my 5-year-old self in '94 would have been chomping at the bit (or gum) for a shot at some sweet, sweet VCR action.

FRANK N’ STUFF

Most of you already know the glory that is Frank N’ Stuff Hotdogs by now - a whacky monster fronted line of hotdogs stuffed with chili or cheese from Hormel. Perhaps it’s news to some that there was at one point a $10k instant winner giveaway promo in 1987.

Here's the kicker: you could win by buying their delightfully stuffed dogs OR by simply sending a letter. That's right, Hormel was basically throwing money at people faster than Frankenstein's monster runs from angry villagers.

Speaking of the big green guy, I love that the ad features him illegally printing cash through some convoluted hotdog recycling scheme.

MARSHMALLOW KRISPIES CEREAL

Before they decided to melt the two together for a cereal of their own in the 90s, we were given Marshmallow Krispies cereal in the early 80s. If you were lucky enough, you would’ve come across this advertisement with a coupon for a whopping 15 cents off your next purchase of the cereal. Inflation, am I right?

I always get a kick out of these recipes for the holiday season. Why eat regular Rice Krispie treats when you can channel your inner Martha Stewart, sculpt a pumpkin, slap on more icing than a birthday cake and eat yourself to diabetic shock?

While I do love the sight of the jack-o’-lanterns which sorta resemble smaller bootleg versions of Dumpy the Pumpkin - there’s something about the ominous glow of the orange text against the shadowy background that feels so unmistakably Halloween.

SPUDS MACKENZIE BUD LIGHT

Universal loves themselves a giveaway opportunity. Whether it’s coupled with root beer or real beer - they wanted to give a select few either money or a trip to their amusement parks on many occasions. Which brings me to Bud Light. 

While a ton of the Halloween ads from Bud Light were fronted by beautiful busty goth women, a few were fronted by our pal, Spuds MacKenzie - a bull terrier mascot who took the late 80s by storm. 

Things I’ve learned about Spuds since writing this article.

1. Spuds is a female

2. Spuds was hated by moms who thought Bud Light was trying to feed their kids beer

3. Spuds was so popular that Bud Light retired her in 89 because the company felt she overshadowed the brand

4. Spuds is amazing in all forms but never better than while she’s pretending to be Dracula

PEANUTS GALLERY GOT MILK

Since 1993, we’ve seen all walks of pop culture featured in the “Got Milk” campaign but it wasn’t until 2011 that the Peanuts gang traded their usual antics for milk mustaches and honored chocolate milk as the official brew of All Hallows’ Eve.

I love the idea that regular milk simply isn’t Halloween-y enough and you should exclusively be drinking chocolate during the haunting season.

Thanks for reading!

RARE HALLOWEEN MCNUGGET BUDDIES!

McDonald's and Halloween - a pairing as iconic as Big Macs and post-meal regret. We've all gushed over their festive pails - the Holy Grail of trick-or-treat receptacles, praised their spooky bags as if they're couture fashion, and analyzed their costumed McNuggets with the fervor of art critics dissecting a Renaissance masterpiece. It’s safe to say each of those Halloween offerings from the golden arches has its own metaphorical plaque in the fast-food hall of fame. Yet, there is one set that remains mostly unheard of.

Just when you thought you'd seen every McNugget, from Count McNugula to Ronald McDonald's long-lost goth cousin, there's a set that's been lurking in the shadows since 1998. While the rest of the world was doing the Macarena, Australia was busy hoarding a secret treasure - the elusive McNugget Ghouls! These guys are so rare, most people have a better chance of spotting Jaws in their bathtub than owning the four specimens in this lineup.

The fearsome foursome includes McGhost (the shy type who's always transparent about his feelings), McFrankie (assembled from leftover parts of other menu items), McWolf (who howls at the golden arches instead of the moon), and McDrac (who sucks the flavor out of your fries instead of your blood). The names may not be as clever as their US counterparts, but what they lack in birth names, they make up for with their ominous, spooky glowing skin. It's like they've been marinated in nuclear waste - a real testament to McDonald's commitment to "all-natural" ingredients.

While we did get a ghost, Frankenstein, and a Dracula variant here in the States, these Aussie aberrations are completely different sculpts. Then there's the addition of McWolf, a red/orange-haired lupine McNugget who absolutely needed to be carrying two dog bones to get the point of his costume across.

It feels good to have finally completed the Halloween McNugget sets - a quest that's been years in the making and has cost me way more than a few Big Mac meals. I've heard rumors of these legendary glow in the dark Halloween McNuggets for ages and only assumed them to be urban legends, like the mythical McPizza or the fabled always-working ice cream machine. But I finally took the plunge and snagged a few on eBay, proving that with enough determination, even the most elusive McNuggets can be caught.

LINGERING THOUGHTS

1. How does McDrac like his coffee? Weird question…. but De-coffin-ated.

2. How many Happy Meals could I have bought instead of these toys? I plead the 5th.
   

3. Why doesn’t the ice cream machine ever work? I don’t know… I only go there for Halloween stuff.

Thanks for reading!

SO, MY FOLKS WERE UP IN THE ATTIC THE OTHER DAY….

You've heard those urban legends about lucky folks stumbling upon hidden treasures in their homes, right? Welp, I have officially joined that exclusive club of accidental Indiana Joneses!

For seven long years, I've been living in my cozy abode, blissfully ignoring the mysterious realm above my head - aka the attic - aka the mythical land of forgotten junk and potential serial killer lair. Fate recently made other plans.

It all started with some innocent kitchen renovations. Little did I know that updating my culinary corner would lead to a full-blown "Night at the Museum" situation. Enter my girlfriend and her father - the dynamic duo of curiosity and terrible timing. On a random Thursday night, while I'm trying to be all professional and podcast-y, in classic girlfriend and father fashion, these two decide it's the perfect moment for an attic expedition at 9pm.

So there I am, headphones on, trying to sound intelligent, when suddenly - THUMP THUMP THUMP - the ceiling starts shaking like we're in "Jumanji." Before I know it, I'm being summoned to witness the grand unveiling of our attic's secrets.

And boy, oh boy, what secrets they were! Nestled between a Barbie Dream House (slightly haunted, I suspect) and enough vintage National Geographics to wallpaper the Taj Mahal, we struck a motherload of Halloween goodies!

Imagine my shock when I realized we'd unearthed vintage die-cut decor and trick-or-treat bags (bags not pictured - saving them for later) - some of which I'd been lusting after on eBay to share this season. The attic gods heard my spooky prayers and decided to deliver - for free! Oh, and I can’t forget the sweet glow in the dark witch poster!

But wait, there's more! We also discovered the previous owner's high school diplomas. And the pièce de résistance - a collection of grade school Halloween crafts! Believe me when I say I absolutely wept with joy!

Now, being the upstanding citizen that I am (ha!), I'm returning the diplomas to their rightful owners. But those delightfully creepy kiddie crafts? Oh, they're staying put. Call me weird, call me eccentric, but those paper ghosts have found their forever home.

So, the next time you're pondering whether to explore that dusty corner of your house, remember my tale. You never know - you might just find your own personal jackpot.

Thanks so much for reading!

VINTAGE HALLOWEEN TRICK-OR-TREAT BAGS PT. 1

Emblazoned with grinning pumpkins, cartoonish witches, and not-so-scary ghosts; If you grew up trick-or-treating during the 80’s and 90’s, chances are you toted one of these flimsy plastic Halloween promotional bags from your local grocery store, fast food joint, or department store.

Originally destined for a one-night stand with confectionery glory, who knew 40 years later we'd be waxing so poetically over spooky orange and yellow plastic bags? They’re more than just that, they’re little snapshots of an era of Halloween I sometimes feel no longer exists. From General Mills to Dominos, join me for a dive into a collection of vintage trick-or-treat bags and explore beloved designs that defined Halloween for multiple generations of kids. Together we will unpack some fantastic plastic memories in non-biodegradable materials!

CEREAL MONSTERS

Thanks to the Flickr collection of Gregg Koenig, we know these are possibly from the 70s. Do I know what year with 100% certainty? Absolutely not. But let's pretend we're cereal archaeologists and roll with it. What I do know is that these were obtained with two proofs of purchase of any Monster Cereal. This was back when cereal companies would offer little incentives for purchasing sugar coated cardboard. 

One may have a hard time believing this beautiful bag is 50+ years old as it managed to maintain looking brand new like it’s hot off the press! The art is goofy and fun and double sided at that! If the simple montage of the trio with their jack-o’-lantern (which I’m assuming the Count carved, he’s extra proud here) wasn’t enough, the back sports and alternate art with the trio being chased by some dick head kid. They could’ve easily used the same image for both sides but went the extra mile!

DOMINOS PIZZA

Ladies, gentlemen, and creatures of the night, meet the unholy offspring of The Noid and Dracula - Noid-ula! I’m assuming this Domino’s Pizza bag was produced in the late 80s to mid 90s as that was around the time the Noid was being used as Dominos marketing mascot. 

The bag, which I found last year scouring the depths of my eBay watchlist at 3 AM, sports a strikingly mesmerizing color palette. It’s like a Lisa Frank folder had a baby with a Halloween rave. The more you look, the more you see the finer details. It’s been an entire year and I only just noticed the little yellow and purple monsters near the bottom of Noids casket playing hide and seek with my sanity.

“Keep your fangs out of my candy!” feels like such a Bart Simpson-esque threat and honestly makes complete sense. This bag has enough attitude to warrant detention every day after school. Eat my shorts.

CASPER

Here we see the Harvey Cartoons/Comics version of Casper. It’s hard to say exactly when this bag was produced as there isn’t a plethora of information about it online. I’ve gathered it’s slightly rare. I’ve only ever seen it once on eBay and there are half a dozen Reddit posts each desperately seeking any leads to it. This one was oddly enough part of the random collection residing in the attic of my house that we found earlier in the beginning of August. 

In case you didn’t know, the three ghosts with the Dairy Queen curl at their heads are Casper’s uncles - Fatso, Lazo and Fusso. This was before his uncles got their 1995 movie makeover. The little one with the freckles is Caspers cousin, Spooky. With the addition of Spooky, this bag has to be at least older than 1955 since that’s when he was conceived.

It’s in slightly rough shape with some color loss but its age hasn’t diminished its charm. Look at Caspers little ghost feet - if that doesn't make you say "aww," check your pulse, you might be dead.

ORVILLE REDENBACHER #1

Move over, Act II - Orville's throwing a monster mash, and everyone's invited! This is one of the two Orville bags that I’ll eventually get to in a second or theirs part. 

One of the most artful of the lots here, I could get lost in this bag all day - and I don’t just mean sticking my head in it and almost suffocating. I’ll be doing that too but for real, what a beautiful color scheme! This 1981 masterpiece is what happens when Tales from the Crypt meets your microwave.

It's a regular "Who's Who" of Universal Monsters. Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, the Wolf Man - gang's all here! It's like Comic-Con for the undead, but with more butter and less body odor.

SUPER SAFETY #1

This one I assume was obtained at a local grocery store. It seems like anyone in any town or city could have these produced and customized as they felt fit as I’ve seen this exact design marketing other products depending on what store and where you might live. 

As far as I can tell, in terms of advertising, this is the most extravagant one of the bunch by far! It's got more products than a late-night shopping channel. For a grand total of 8 different items - this bag is in every sense of the word a walking billboard! Triaminic cold medicine, Kachoos childrens facial tissues, Karo corn syrup, Minute Maid, Handi-Snacks, Spaghetti-Os! No rhyme, reason or pattern. Whatever the fuck they wanted on this bag was going on it! 

The real prize? The main front and back images - especially the vampire showcasing his cape embellished in Halloween safety rules. Nothing says “be careful” like taking advice from a blood sucking fiend!

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Why is the Noid in a coffin? Too many pizzas delivered on time.
   

2. Why do these bags have so many ads? It's Halloween. Even capitalism likes to dress up.

3. What's with Casper's ghost feet? They’re adorable.

Thank you for joining me to get misty-eyed over glorified plastic garbage bags from a time lost but not forgotten - they live on in our hearts, attics, and probably some landfills.

THE TOYBOX DIARIES PART 1 - SUMMER EDITION

Summer's here, and you know what that means: time to slather on enough SPF to make an albino jealous and embrace the season of sweat stains! Since I made the questionable decision to hoard vintage toys (judge me all you want, at least I'm not collecting shot glasses or belly button lint), let me dazzle you with toys that scream "summer" louder than a seagull eyeing your beach snacks. What else were you gonna do for the next five minutes? Actually go outside? Please... I've already braved the great outdoors to play with these bad boys in my strawberry plants, all for your entertainment and it was just barely worth it…. You’re welcome.

TIGER ELECTRONICS CAPTAIN PLANET “DUKE NUKEM” 1991

Is he a corn cob? A pineapple? The unholy offspring of a lemon and a nuclear reactor? Why not all three? Regardless, he’s Duke Nukem and he’s ready to party harder than a frat boy on spring break!

Duke Nukem, if you recall, is one of Captain Planets finest foes. You may be familiar with the less colorful glow in the dark version of this figure mostly because this variant pictured here was a European release. While the other version got the glow in the dark treatment, this one got the “electronic noises and blinking red eyes with the press of a button” treatment with a “dad who’s ready to flip burgers at the cookout” styled look.

SEWER SPITTING TMNT 1992

1992 - the year fashion forgot but toy designers clearly remembered! When people say that the 80s blends into the early 90s, this is what they mean. Here we have one of the most summery, colorful lines from Ninja Turtles in Playmates Toys history. The lineup: Beach combing Mike, Lifeguard Leo, Sewer-Cyclin’ Raph and Spike N’ Volley Don.

With accessories to the brim, these turtles are more loaded than your cousin after a trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And just like your cousin, they also spit! But with water, thankfully. Each turtle has a rubber container built into their shell that fills up with water which can then be squeezed to make them spit water making them the perfect pool toy. Or the perfect destroy dinner time toy… pick your poison.

ARMY ANTS 1987

If you have a strong phobia of bugs, tread lightly from here on out. But realistically, what says summer more than an invasion of creepy crawlies?

For when regular ants ruining your picnic just isn't enough, here we have the classic 80s toy line, Army Ants! If you’re not familiar, these anthropomorphic ants sported some army getup and came in both blue and orange. The idea, if it’s not obvious, two 6 legged armies pitted against each other because the old green totally normal human soldiers just didn’t cut it anymore. The fun factor didn’t stop there. These things had squishy removable pink and green butts!

BEAST WARS PREDACON RETRAX

Speaking of bugs, meet BEAST WARS PREDACON RETRAX, the pillbug that's harder to stand up than your drunk uncle at a family barbecue. This little guy is supposedly a desert destroyer who burrows through tunnels of his fallen victims, but I think he'd struggle to destroy a sandcastle.

I spent exactly 260 hours trying to get him to stand up long enough to take an awkward photo with my neighbors watching. He’s an extremely top heavy figure once he’s transformed. The real fun is when he’s still in bug form. So, he’s a pillbug (those little goofy rolly polly bugs) which they’ve achieved surprisingly well!

TMNT MEGA MUTANTS KILLER BEE AND NEEDLENOSE

Surprise surprise! Yeah, it’s more Turtle figures! Yeah, I’m predictable, sue me. But we’re on a big streak, we had to keep it going. Now, buckle up for a wild ride through the insect kingdom on steroids!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up to witness the most buzzworthy spectacle in town - Killer Bee and Needlenose, the MEGA MUTANTS! These aren't your garden-variety creepy crawlies. These are jumbo-sized, action-packed insect taxis for your toys, courtesy of everyone's favorite disembodied brain, Krang!

First up, meet Killer Bee - the Foot Clan's answer to "What if we crossed a bee with a prison and a hardware store?" This bad boy comes equipped with an electric chair seat (for that extra tingle), a ball and chain (for plastic criminals), and a pollinator pistol (because even evil bees have day jobs). And if that wasn't enough, throw in some handcuffs and a chainsaw, because why not? It's the Swiss Army Knife of criminal insects!

But wait, there's more! Introducing Needlenose, the jet-fighting mosquito from Dimension X. This reformed bug went from sucking blood to sucking up to the good guys faster than you can say "turtle power." Donatello must've given him quite the pep talk after the “bug-napping” (it says Donnie basically stole him from Krang on the back of his box). With a tongue for a seat, bee-seeking missiles, and a rotating tail gunner, this mosquito is ready to turn any killer bee into a swatted bee.

So whether you're team stinger or team proboscis, these mega mutants are sure to create quite the buzz in your toy box. Just remember, kids: in this world, it's either bee or bee not - there is no fly!"

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Can I incorporate this into my summer workout routine? Absolutely. Nothing builds core strength like hunching over tiny action figures for hours on end.

2. Is Needlenose an effective mode of transportation? If your idea of effective transportation includes airsickness and the constant fear of being swatted, absolutely.

3. Can Duke Nukem protect you from sunburn? He can't even protect himself from looking like an overripe fruit. You're on your own, pal.

So there you have it! Whether you're hitting the beach or hiding from the sun in your air-conditioned fortress, remember: summer is all about fun, and nothing says fun like grown adults taking photos of children's toys from decades ago in front of your neighbors (nostalgias a hell of a drug). Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some important business to attend to - teaching my Army Ants the finer points of strawberry garden construction. Thanks for reading!