RANDOM THOUGHTS: 5 TIMES THE SUN WAS TOO HOT

Let’s just say I have no fucking clue what this blog entry is even about. It’s an easy-going Sunday, let’s just let it be what it is. Since it's still summer, let's explore five times when the sun was just too hot. Does that even make any sense? Probably not. Anyways, consider this a “random thoughts” type of entry with a summer theme - stuff that might not make for a good individual read, but together, they create a longer and perhaps amusing compilation (hopefully).

SUPER MARIO 3 - ANGRY SUN

You know you’re in a bad spot when you’re running through a Goomba ridden desert with quick sand, tornadoes and endless pits at every corner. But it doesn’t stop there in world 2 level 5 of Super Mario Bros. 3…. what a nightmare. 

You think, "How could this get worse?" Enter the Sun, deciding to play a game of "Whack-a-Plumber." Imagine making it through every obstacle previously mentioned then this celestial body descends from the sky to chase and try to kill you, making it one of the most insane levels in the game.

HEY ARNOLD - HEAT

In this scorching episode, the entire city of Hillwood, Washington, is desperately trying to escape the extreme heat of a summer Sunday. Arnold and Gerald's quest for coolness is thwarted at every turn - long theater lines, overcrowded pools, and the Jolly-Olly Man price-gouging once-cheap frozen treats.

The scene that lives rent-free in my head? Sid getting pissed at his buddy for taking too long using the slushy machine like a baptismal font. The magenta, sludgy frozen drink looks bizarre, but they're enjoying it in ways never intended.

WEEKEND AT BERNIES - ROOFTOP SCENE

When it comes to summer movies, Weekend at Bernies and its sequel are the two that instantly come to my mind. Larry Wilson and Richard Parker are two low-level financial employees at an insurance company in New York City. While going over reports, Richard discovers a series of payments made for the same death. He and Larry take their findings to the CEO, the wealthy and hedonistic Bernie Lomax, who commends them for discovering the insurance fraud and invites them to his beach house in the Hamptons for labor day weekend. Lucky them!

Before our heroes embark on their corpse-puppeteering adventure, we see them pathetically simulating a beach day on a scorching New York City rooftop. Complete with beach chairs and a kiddie pool, it's a sad picture of "summer in the city." The melting tar ruining shoes and papers makes me cringe every single time.

PETE AND PETE - THE GREAT BLUE TORNADO BAR PANIC

Ah, the coming of age adventures of two brothers named Pete. In the Mr. Tastee-centric episode What We Did on Our Summer Vacation, the Petes and Ellen try to befriend Mr. Tastee the friendly-yet-secretive-and-mysterious neighborhood ice-cream man. 

Mr. Tastee vanishes as the summer heat intensifies. Deprived of their beloved Blue Tornado bars, the local kids start hallucinating from ice cream withdrawal, highlighting the crucial role of frozen treats in summer survival.

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD - DESERT

Ending on an absolute classic way-too-hot scene! Our dynamic duo proves that in extreme heat, IQ points evaporate faster than water in Death Valley. Beavis's brilliant hydration plan - eating a peyote cactus - turns their desert trek into a White Zombie music video. Because nothing says "summer adventure" quite like hallucinating your way through a sandbox of doom.

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Is this article generating more heat or more indifference? The only thing warming up is my laptop from the effort of writing this.

2. Could Mr. Tastee save this blog post with a Blue Tornado bar? Not even the sweetest treat could mask the flavor of desperation in these words.

3. If this article were ice cream, what flavor would it be? Unflavored ice milk - bland, unsatisfying, and leaving you wondering why you bothered.

There you have it, heat seekers - a tour through random sun-stroked moments in pop culture, wrapped up in a blog post that's about as refreshing as a hot car seat in August. Stay cool, stay hydrated, stay tuned!