THE ICE CREAM EXTRAVAGANZA PART 1!
Ah, summer memories. Sun, sand, and… the neighborhoods mobile diabetes dispenser! I have a plethora of profound memories associated with summertime but, not many are as significant as the ice cream truck. It was the neighborhoods’ personal savior; the hottest summer days would fear its arrival. Sweating buckets and contemplating if this is what spontaneous combustion feels like, I’d eagerly await the sound like a dog listening for the word “walk” and chase its jolly high pitched melodies until I reached sweet sugary frozen victory. I vividly remember being one of a dozen overly wiggly excited kids in line faced with the tough decision of selecting THE PERFECT ice cream treat from the vast array of options. In this series, we will be examining a number of those options. From character pops to dessert tacos covered in chocolate; by the time you’re done reading, you’ll swear you can hear those classic ice cream truck jingles in the distance (just kidding, that’s the 90 degree temps pushing you towards insanity).
SCREWBALL
The screwball was never my first choice but it most definitely wasn’t my last either. I can remember a few times thinking I should broaden my tastes and indulge in something unfamiliar. That’s exactly when Screwball was invited to the party.
With differing variations over the years, this seems to be the basic or “classic” version of itself; a slushy, fruity water ice base with a gum ball hidden at the bottom, all contained in a clear plastic cone. The slush, which was typically cherry, was good but the gum ball entombed under slush waiting to be excavated from its icy grave was even better and well worth the price of admission. Nothing says “fun” like nearly choking on a tasty gum ball while brain freeze paralyzes your face.
KLONDIKE OREO ICE CREAM SANDWICH
Remember Oreo Big Stuf from back in the day? This is basically its ice cream cousin with a cookies and cream ice cream middle. These easily transcended any other version of an ice cream sandwich back then.
The best part - the cookie was soft like it went to therapy and worked through it’s hard exterior, having the mouthfeel like it had previously met a glass of milk and they became best buds. Emotional growth never tasted so good.
MEGA WARHEADS POPSICLE
The 90’s were huge on the sour candy craze so, naturally, Warheads inevitably made it to the freezer aisle because why enjoy your ice cream when you can suffer through it? There has been an astronomical amount of character popsicles that have come and gone over the years but none of them did it quite the way Warheads did.
Sour raspberry, black cherry water ice with strawberry sherbet and a Mega Warheads sour watermelon candy for the mouth! Most character popsicles were dead set on the addition of gum balls for eyes. Warheads went straight for the throat! This thing didn’t mess around. I was lucky enough to painstakingly enjoy this popsicle on numerous occasions. However strong the sour notes were, the flavors were strangely addicting enough that I insisted on going back time and time again. What can I say? I’m kind of an idiot.
COTTON CANDY SWIRL
I don’t know what it was/is about Cotton Candy, but it always appealed to me. Cotton Candy swirl popsicles were no exception to the rule.
To be honest, the flavor was fine but didn’t really hit the “cotton candy” mark a cotton candy fan would hope. Plus, I never understood the color scheme; It’s like cotton candy had an identity crisis and decided to be a sunset instead. Even so, I rarely cared to question the color. Besides, how can you question something like the credibility of a yellow and pink swirled cotton candy popsicle when it’s approved by a fucking walrus playing a saxophone? Or maybe it’s a baritone…. I’m not at all familiar with the nuances.
GHOULIE
Probably my favorite among the list and not to be confused with Ghoulies the movie, this was another random Good Humor venture into horror.
Bubblegum flavored water ice with one scary bubblegum eyeball. Where there may have been another eyeball, a hole resides (don’t get any weird ideas). It’s a mask! It’s a popsicle! It’s…. probably going to leave you with a sticky face! A really smart gimmick, no doubt; an extra feature for a kid while surely cutting at least a little cost.
LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION
Is there a support group for adults still chasing ice cream trucks? Yes, it’s called “Sprinkles Anonymous” and they meet weekly in parking lots, frantically waving dollar bills at passing vehicles.
How many cavities can be directly attributed to the Screwball’s hidden gum ball? More than one…. from personal experience.
Does the Ghoulie count as a Halloween costume if you eat it on October 31st? Yes. Also, a Halloween costume that you eat? Bonus points for being economical in these trying times.
Anyways, that’s all I have for now. I hope you enjoyed Part 1 of this frozen escapade of cold memories on a stick! I have a ton of these stickers laying around so expect more popsicle adventures like this in the near future! Thanks for reading!