SHAKIN’ MUTANTS FROM 1994!

Long time no vlog, eh? Even if this is the only video I do for the season, I figured this would be a fun one to break into it. From 1994, Shakin’ Mutants were wannabe Boglin toys pretending to be decorations that absolutely stole my heart - obviously I’m excited if I’m breaking out the video format.

Like I said, it’s been a long while since I’ve done a video like this. I wasn’t good at it before, I may be even less good at it now - so if the volume level and quality sucks or you’re just flat out not entertained, I went into this fully willing to take all the steam.

I may and or may not do other short videos like this in the near future depending on what I get time for. I set myself up for like 30 ideas and ended on realistically being able to maybe do 2 of them for the season. Time will tell. 

Anyways, enjoy. If you hate it so do I.

RARE HALLOWEEN MCNUGGET BUDDIES!

McDonald's and Halloween - a pairing as iconic as Big Macs and post-meal regret. We've all gushed over their festive pails - the Holy Grail of trick-or-treat receptacles, praised their spooky bags as if they're couture fashion, and analyzed their costumed McNuggets with the fervor of art critics dissecting a Renaissance masterpiece. It’s safe to say each of those Halloween offerings from the golden arches has its own metaphorical plaque in the fast-food hall of fame. Yet, there is one set that remains mostly unheard of.

Just when you thought you'd seen every McNugget, from Count McNugula to Ronald McDonald's long-lost goth cousin, there's a set that's been lurking in the shadows since 1998. While the rest of the world was doing the Macarena, Australia was busy hoarding a secret treasure - the elusive McNugget Ghouls! These guys are so rare, most people have a better chance of spotting Jaws in their bathtub than owning the four specimens in this lineup.

The fearsome foursome includes McGhost (the shy type who's always transparent about his feelings), McFrankie (assembled from leftover parts of other menu items), McWolf (who howls at the golden arches instead of the moon), and McDrac (who sucks the flavor out of your fries instead of your blood). The names may not be as clever as their US counterparts, but what they lack in birth names, they make up for with their ominous, spooky glowing skin. It's like they've been marinated in nuclear waste - a real testament to McDonald's commitment to "all-natural" ingredients.

While we did get a ghost, Frankenstein, and a Dracula variant here in the States, these Aussie aberrations are completely different sculpts. Then there's the addition of McWolf, a red/orange-haired lupine McNugget who absolutely needed to be carrying two dog bones to get the point of his costume across.

It feels good to have finally completed the Halloween McNugget sets - a quest that's been years in the making and has cost me way more than a few Big Mac meals. I've heard rumors of these legendary glow in the dark Halloween McNuggets for ages and only assumed them to be urban legends, like the mythical McPizza or the fabled always-working ice cream machine. But I finally took the plunge and snagged a few on eBay, proving that with enough determination, even the most elusive McNuggets can be caught.

LINGERING THOUGHTS

1. How does McDrac like his coffee? Weird question…. but De-coffin-ated.

2. How many Happy Meals could I have bought instead of these toys? I plead the 5th.
   

3. Why doesn’t the ice cream machine ever work? I don’t know… I only go there for Halloween stuff.

Thanks for reading!

TMNT WITH A DASH OF MONSTERS

NOT MY PHOTO - CARRY ON

Happy October! We’re in the thick of it now! And, since we’re in the season, it feels like the perfect time to mention Turtles…. If you noticed the photo above (again, not mine) you already know we’re about to ponder the unlikely intersection of Halloween and TMNT and the series of action figures that perfectly embodies this odd pairing.

The year was 1993. Bill Clinton had just taken office, the Dallas Cowboys triumphed over Buffalo in the Super Bowl, and I, at the tender age of four, was about to encounter something that would leave an indelible mark on my young psyche: my beloved sewer-dwelling reptiles masquerading as classic movie monsters. I didn’t know shit about the Universal Monsters but it didn’t stop me from wanting to own yet another iteration of my favorite characters - a perfect-for-Halloween set at that.

For those born in later years, the concept of horror-themed TMNT figures marketed to children might seem bizarre. But trust me, in the context of the early '90s, it made a strange kind of sense. TMNT was at the height of its popularity, while Universal Monsters were experiencing a resurgence, appearing on everything from postage stamps to Pizza Hut and Pepsi promotions. A collaboration between these franchises seemed almost inevitable.

The initial wave included Leonardo as the Wolfman, Donatello as Dracula, Michelangelo as Frankenstein's Monster, and Raphael as the Mummy. True to form, Playmates Toys equipped each figure with a unique character biography and a close up weapons list on the packaging. I've taken the liberty of photographing these for posterity. They're worth a read, if only to appreciate the beautiful absurdity of concepts like "bolt-handled nunchucks" and Donatello's newfound "thirst for the blood of foolish Foot villagers." If all that wasn’t enough, these dudes GLOW IN THE DARK!

The line must have found some success because a second set was released the following year. The 1994 batch featured Invisible Man Michelangelo, Creature from the Black Lagoon Leonardo, The Mutant Raphael (a somewhat redundant concept), and April as the Bride of Frankenstein. I'll admit to feeling a twinge of disappointment that Donatello was excluded from this round, but the novelty of seeing April with that iconic white-streaked beehive somewhat makes up for it.

In recent years, we've seen similar monster-hero hybrids from Nickelodeon's 2012 series and the ongoing NECA line both bringing a fun vibe to the table in their own way. But let's be real - how can you beat the originals? You can’t.

So here's to you, Monster Turtles. You taught us that it's okay to be both hero and monster, that creativity knows no limits, and that sometimes, the best ideas are born from the craziest collisions of pop culture.

THE TOYBOX DIARIES PART 1 - SUMMER EDITION

Summer's here, and you know what that means: time to slather on enough SPF to make an albino jealous and embrace the season of sweat stains! Since I made the questionable decision to hoard vintage toys (judge me all you want, at least I'm not collecting shot glasses or belly button lint), let me dazzle you with toys that scream "summer" louder than a seagull eyeing your beach snacks. What else were you gonna do for the next five minutes? Actually go outside? Please... I've already braved the great outdoors to play with these bad boys in my strawberry plants, all for your entertainment and it was just barely worth it…. You’re welcome.

TIGER ELECTRONICS CAPTAIN PLANET “DUKE NUKEM” 1991

Is he a corn cob? A pineapple? The unholy offspring of a lemon and a nuclear reactor? Why not all three? Regardless, he’s Duke Nukem and he’s ready to party harder than a frat boy on spring break!

Duke Nukem, if you recall, is one of Captain Planets finest foes. You may be familiar with the less colorful glow in the dark version of this figure mostly because this variant pictured here was a European release. While the other version got the glow in the dark treatment, this one got the “electronic noises and blinking red eyes with the press of a button” treatment with a “dad who’s ready to flip burgers at the cookout” styled look.

SEWER SPITTING TMNT 1992

1992 - the year fashion forgot but toy designers clearly remembered! When people say that the 80s blends into the early 90s, this is what they mean. Here we have one of the most summery, colorful lines from Ninja Turtles in Playmates Toys history. The lineup: Beach combing Mike, Lifeguard Leo, Sewer-Cyclin’ Raph and Spike N’ Volley Don.

With accessories to the brim, these turtles are more loaded than your cousin after a trip to the all-you-can-eat buffet. And just like your cousin, they also spit! But with water, thankfully. Each turtle has a rubber container built into their shell that fills up with water which can then be squeezed to make them spit water making them the perfect pool toy. Or the perfect destroy dinner time toy… pick your poison.

ARMY ANTS 1987

If you have a strong phobia of bugs, tread lightly from here on out. But realistically, what says summer more than an invasion of creepy crawlies?

For when regular ants ruining your picnic just isn't enough, here we have the classic 80s toy line, Army Ants! If you’re not familiar, these anthropomorphic ants sported some army getup and came in both blue and orange. The idea, if it’s not obvious, two 6 legged armies pitted against each other because the old green totally normal human soldiers just didn’t cut it anymore. The fun factor didn’t stop there. These things had squishy removable pink and green butts!

BEAST WARS PREDACON RETRAX

Speaking of bugs, meet BEAST WARS PREDACON RETRAX, the pillbug that's harder to stand up than your drunk uncle at a family barbecue. This little guy is supposedly a desert destroyer who burrows through tunnels of his fallen victims, but I think he'd struggle to destroy a sandcastle.

I spent exactly 260 hours trying to get him to stand up long enough to take an awkward photo with my neighbors watching. He’s an extremely top heavy figure once he’s transformed. The real fun is when he’s still in bug form. So, he’s a pillbug (those little goofy rolly polly bugs) which they’ve achieved surprisingly well!

TMNT MEGA MUTANTS KILLER BEE AND NEEDLENOSE

Surprise surprise! Yeah, it’s more Turtle figures! Yeah, I’m predictable, sue me. But we’re on a big streak, we had to keep it going. Now, buckle up for a wild ride through the insect kingdom on steroids!

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, step right up to witness the most buzzworthy spectacle in town - Killer Bee and Needlenose, the MEGA MUTANTS! These aren't your garden-variety creepy crawlies. These are jumbo-sized, action-packed insect taxis for your toys, courtesy of everyone's favorite disembodied brain, Krang!

First up, meet Killer Bee - the Foot Clan's answer to "What if we crossed a bee with a prison and a hardware store?" This bad boy comes equipped with an electric chair seat (for that extra tingle), a ball and chain (for plastic criminals), and a pollinator pistol (because even evil bees have day jobs). And if that wasn't enough, throw in some handcuffs and a chainsaw, because why not? It's the Swiss Army Knife of criminal insects!

But wait, there's more! Introducing Needlenose, the jet-fighting mosquito from Dimension X. This reformed bug went from sucking blood to sucking up to the good guys faster than you can say "turtle power." Donatello must've given him quite the pep talk after the “bug-napping” (it says Donnie basically stole him from Krang on the back of his box). With a tongue for a seat, bee-seeking missiles, and a rotating tail gunner, this mosquito is ready to turn any killer bee into a swatted bee.

So whether you're team stinger or team proboscis, these mega mutants are sure to create quite the buzz in your toy box. Just remember, kids: in this world, it's either bee or bee not - there is no fly!"

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. Can I incorporate this into my summer workout routine? Absolutely. Nothing builds core strength like hunching over tiny action figures for hours on end.

2. Is Needlenose an effective mode of transportation? If your idea of effective transportation includes airsickness and the constant fear of being swatted, absolutely.

3. Can Duke Nukem protect you from sunburn? He can't even protect himself from looking like an overripe fruit. You're on your own, pal.

So there you have it! Whether you're hitting the beach or hiding from the sun in your air-conditioned fortress, remember: summer is all about fun, and nothing says fun like grown adults taking photos of children's toys from decades ago in front of your neighbors (nostalgias a hell of a drug). Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some important business to attend to - teaching my Army Ants the finer points of strawberry garden construction. Thanks for reading!