5 YEARS OF CHRISTMAS CRUNCH!

Here I am, drunk on eggnog and delirious from a loss of sleep scanning miles worth of Wish Book pages and wrestling my tree while marathoning Muppet Family Christmas - we’re jumping into the holiday season here at Leftover Pizza!

To kick off the festivities, let’s start with this collection of cereal boxes I’ve been harboring over the years - 5 boxes of Christmas Crunch Cereal from the 90s! The Cap'n, bless his militarily questionable heart, has been spreading holiday cheer since the late 80s and they are some of THE MOST festive cereal offerings of all time.

1994

Prior to 94, Christmas Crunch played it safe with festive Crunch Berries. This was the first time the Cap’n broke away from his spherical red and green cereal pieces and instead offered a mix of 6 different shapes which would carry on as the standard for the cereal. The lineup included stars, stockings, pine trees, trains, a voodoo doll and what looks like maybe a bicycle or a reindeer with a bad hair day.

While the cereal is great, this box doesn’t piss around. Looking like it’s straight out of an animated Christmas special, Quaker covered every inch of cardboard real estate! From the snow covered hill and trees to the deer with tinsel and Christmas lights in their antlers - someone at Quaker clearly had too much coffee and access to too many crayons, and I'm here for it. Also note the sticker in the bottom left corner. From what I understand, the sticker was later added later to show the boxes contained the regular Cap’n Crunch cereal pieces in addition to the new green and red shapes which wasn’t evident on the box alone.

1995

After 94, things take a wild turn. Ever looked at your bowl of sugar-coated cereal and thought, "This isn't diabetes inducing enough"? Enter the Holiday frosting packet with sprinkles, because apparently regular Christmas Crunch wasn't sending enough kids to the dentist. All in the name of Christmas. Hallelujah!

This will be a reoccurring theme but again, no wasted space in sight on this box which happens to be an ombré blue to darker blue color with oversized silver snow flakes like the ones you use to cut out in elementary school. The blue was a bold choice but I’d say it paid off.

1996

96 Christmas Crunch retired the frosting packet and kept it simple with the 6 fun Christmas shapes from the past couple years only this time in a much fancier take on the box design.

Resembling a present complete with gift wrapping, a bow and a tag - this design oozed sophistication! While there is some negative space, they make up for it with beveled gold foil font which really adds a serious amount of class. Christmas Crunch went from a kids cereal to a pinky out kind of cereal.

1997

We’re back to our jolly green box with red text. A very festive candy cane adorned tree hangs out in the background. Cap’n dropped 3 of the six fun shapes keeping the star, the tree and the stocking which barely matters because KOOSH BALLS!

With the form attached to the box and 2 UPC’s, they give you the choice of either a Kooshling, which is simply an anthropomorphic Koosh Ball, OR you could get a CUSTOM Koosh Ball! When I think peak 90’s, I think of the days when I had at least 2 Koosh Balls attached to my backpack at all times.

1998

It’s wild how different Cap’n looks when you take away the bold black outlines from his illustration. He looks less like a naval officer and more like Patrick Star cosplaying Santa after a rough night. But, I digress. Sometimes it’s about what’s on the inside that counts and inside weird Cap’n Patrick Santa cereal is a very interesting gimmick: Jingle. Bell. ROCKS!

Jingle Bell Rocks were little “magical” pebbles packed with food coloring which would change regular cereal milk into a festive red pool. I’m not exactly sure what these pebbles are made of but, judging by the look on all the kids faces on the back of the box, they come with one hell of an addiction.

LINGERING THOUGHTS/CONCLUSION

1. How many times are you going to watch Muppet Family Christmas? Yes.

2. That’s not even an answer to the question. Oh. 

3. Will you eat the old cereal. I don’t know… will you actually watch it?

After staring at these boxes for hours, I'm pretty sure Cap'n Crunch doesn't actually have a naval license. Don't tell the authorities. That’s all I have for now. Until next time - thanks for reading!

TMNT WITH A DASH OF MONSTERS

NOT MY PHOTO - CARRY ON

Happy October! We’re in the thick of it now! And, since we’re in the season, it feels like the perfect time to mention Turtles…. If you noticed the photo above (again, not mine) you already know we’re about to ponder the unlikely intersection of Halloween and TMNT and the series of action figures that perfectly embodies this odd pairing.

The year was 1993. Bill Clinton had just taken office, the Dallas Cowboys triumphed over Buffalo in the Super Bowl, and I, at the tender age of four, was about to encounter something that would leave an indelible mark on my young psyche: my beloved sewer-dwelling reptiles masquerading as classic movie monsters. I didn’t know shit about the Universal Monsters but it didn’t stop me from wanting to own yet another iteration of my favorite characters - a perfect-for-Halloween set at that.

For those born in later years, the concept of horror-themed TMNT figures marketed to children might seem bizarre. But trust me, in the context of the early '90s, it made a strange kind of sense. TMNT was at the height of its popularity, while Universal Monsters were experiencing a resurgence, appearing on everything from postage stamps to Pizza Hut and Pepsi promotions. A collaboration between these franchises seemed almost inevitable.

The initial wave included Leonardo as the Wolfman, Donatello as Dracula, Michelangelo as Frankenstein's Monster, and Raphael as the Mummy. True to form, Playmates Toys equipped each figure with a unique character biography and a close up weapons list on the packaging. I've taken the liberty of photographing these for posterity. They're worth a read, if only to appreciate the beautiful absurdity of concepts like "bolt-handled nunchucks" and Donatello's newfound "thirst for the blood of foolish Foot villagers." If all that wasn’t enough, these dudes GLOW IN THE DARK!

The line must have found some success because a second set was released the following year. The 1994 batch featured Invisible Man Michelangelo, Creature from the Black Lagoon Leonardo, The Mutant Raphael (a somewhat redundant concept), and April as the Bride of Frankenstein. I'll admit to feeling a twinge of disappointment that Donatello was excluded from this round, but the novelty of seeing April with that iconic white-streaked beehive somewhat makes up for it.

In recent years, we've seen similar monster-hero hybrids from Nickelodeon's 2012 series and the ongoing NECA line both bringing a fun vibe to the table in their own way. But let's be real - how can you beat the originals? You can’t.

So here's to you, Monster Turtles. You taught us that it's okay to be both hero and monster, that creativity knows no limits, and that sometimes, the best ideas are born from the craziest collisions of pop culture.