THE BEST HOLIDAY JUNK FOOD 2024!

Welcome to this year's festival of festive face-stuffing! Pull up a chair as I systematically sacrifice my blood sugar levels to bring you reviews of the season's most intriguing holiday treats. Consider this my gift to you – a thoroughly researched (and thoroughly digested) guide to what's worth the calories and what deserves coal in its stocking. Also, make sure to check back regularly for updates of limited edition holiday snacks that marketing departments have convinced themselves we need.

REESE'S SUGAR COOKIE BIG CUP

Here’s the thing, I love a new take on a classic. Unfortunately for the Reese’s Sugar Cookie Big Cup, ambition has exceeded execution. Reese's attempted to cram the delicate essence of a sugar cookie into their already perfect peanut butter cup. The result? Imagine inviting a ballet dancer to perform at a heavy metal concert – the subtle notes never stood a chance. What we got instead is essentially a Reese's cup that hit the gym and ghosted its sugar cookie personality. It's still chocolate and peanut butter, just... more of it with a bit of a texture variation. Thanks for playing, sugar cookie flavor. We hardly knew ye. 3/10

TWIZZLERS MERRY BERRY PUNCH

Someone at Twizzlers HQ said, "What if we made licorice that looks like we mugged a Christmas tree?" And thus, these festive green twigs were born. The flavor is supposedly blueberry and blue raspberry, but as a certified '90s kid who practically mainlined blue raspberry everything, I can tell you the blue raspberry is super muted. What I’m getting instead is a surprisingly decent blueberry pie filling vibe that somehow got lost on its way to an actual pie. Props for the color though. 6/10

TOASTY HOLIDAY PEANUT M&MS

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner. These aren't just M&Ms; they're M&Ms that went to finishing school and came back with a monocle. The packaging is saying "department store Christmas display circa 1952," and I'm here for it. The peanuts taste like they just came from a fancy toasting spa retreat, and the chocolate seems to have gotten the memo about being part of something special. Every bite feels like you should be wearing a smoking jacket and discussing the stock market. It's so sophisticated, I've started calling my cat "Sir Whiskers" and speaking with a vaguely British accent. 10/10

PILLSBURY GRINCH COOKIES

Somewhere in Whoville, someone's getting fired. These cookies, which were meant to capture the essence of everyone's favorite green Christmas killjoy, instead look like what you'd get if an alien tried to recreate cat paw prints based on a blurry photograph. I assumed after baking, the promises of the Grinch's head and his growing heart would present themselves but, again, what you’re left with looks more like evidence from an extraterrestrial veterinary clinic. Taste-wise, it's the same sugar cookie that gets a costume change for every holiday – ghost shape for Halloween, shamrock for St. Patrick's, and now... space toe beans for Christmas. How the Grinch Stole Cookie Originality. 6/10

PLANTERS TOASTED MARSHMALLOW HOT CHOCOLATE CASHEWS

Now this is what happens when snack development goes right! These cashews went to a fancy college and came back with a sophistication that makes regular nuts feel inadequate. The flavor profile is like a s'more got a PhD – toasty, cocoa-rich, with just enough marshmallow to remind you of camp, but not enough to remind you of that time you tried to eat six jumbo marshmallows at once. The crunch factor is reminiscent of grape nuts, but unlike grape nuts, these won't make you question your life choices. An elegant 8/10

7UP SHIRLEY TEMPLE SODA

After a quest worthy of Lord of the Rings (minus the ring, plus several disappointed trips to Walmart), I finally found this elusive beverage! The color is what I imagine fairy champagne looks like – a delicate pink that makes you feel fancy even when drinking it in your pajamas. The taste is like 7UP went to charm school – light, sophisticated, with just enough cherry and pomegranate to make it interesting. Bonus points for keeping it caffeine-free, because some of us prefer our heart palpitations to come from holiday stress, not our beverages. 9.5/10

CINNAMON SWIRL LINDT LINDOR TRUFFLE

Oh, Lindt. Lindt, Lindt, Lindt. I drove 73 miles (1 hour and 27 minutes of my life I'll never get back) for what I thought would be the Rolls-Royce of cinnamon roll experiences. Instead, I got what tastes like white chocolate that once heard someone whisper the word "cinnamon" from across a crowded room. These truffles are sweeter than a Disney movie marathon, and about as true to cinnamon rolls as I am to my New Year's resolutions. The only silver lining is that they're so far away from my house, I couldn't get more even if I wanted to. Which I don't. Because of the overwhelming sweetness and lack of cinnamon bun essence, I can’t go higher than a 1/10

TROLLI ABOMINABLE SNOWMEN

Imagine if the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man had tiny, sparkly backup dancers… that’s these guys. Now, a tale of three flavors, ranked in order of how likely they are to make you believe in yeti:

1. Mango passion fruit: The king of the mountain

2. Blue raspberry guava: A solid second, like a yeti's smaller, cooler cousin

3. Strawberry lime: Tastes like someone mixed fruit punch with what I imagine Mr. Clean's cologne would taste like. But here's the thing – I'm the type of person who finds the smell of cleaning products oddly appetizing, so this is actually a compliment.

Overall, I’m giving these a 7.5/10. I get weird when we mix fruit flavors with Christmas when they feel better placed in the warmer months.

WHY DOESN’T MONSTER CEREAL ICE CREAM EXIST?

Halloween season is in full swing, and boy what a banner year it’s been so far! From FrankenCakes to Ghost Toast Kit-Kats, we certainly have plenty of new spooky junk food to gorge ourselves on…right? Wrong.

Forgive me if this comes off a little James Rolfe-y, but, you know what’s bullshit? The fact that we’ve got all these damn monster cereals, but General Mills refuses to go all the way with the crossover products. Sure, they’ve given us Fruit Roll-Ups. Fine. Franken & Boo-Berry Glo-Gurt? Big whoop. What I really want is to see the big G swing for the fences. I think it’s high time they gave us Monster Cereal Ice Cream! (And before you come for me in the comments, I’m talking real ice cream, not those NutraSweet Count Chocula pops from 1980-something.)

Problem is, I don’t see that happening any time soon. It’s a real head-scratcher too because putting that sweet, iced-cream in everyone’s local grocery freezer section just seems like owning a license to print money.

Wait a minute. I like money. This gives me an idea…

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present to you Frute Brute ice cream! An officially unofficial, Monster Cereal based, frozen dairy dessert. Isn’t it beautiful? Isn’t it everything you’ve always wanted? Of course it is.

Now you may be asking yourself, how did this guy make a Frute Brute ice cream in 2024? That’s the fun part, I didn’t! Through the magic of repurposing content, what you’re viewing today is actually a window into our not-so-distant past of June 2023. I know that timeline may also not add-up for you, so I’ll cut right to the chase - I bought way too much Frute Brute during the Halloween season of 2022 out of sheer excitement, totally disregarding the fact that I’d never be able to eat that much cereal. Cut to eight months later: I’m deep in the throes of my Ninja Creami obsession, overflowing with nearly-stale human kibble, and needing content for a now defunct Patreon page.

* light bulb *

So, I set out on a quest to make what the cereal gods haven’t - a grocery store quality, Halloween themed ice cream. Fun part? If you have a Creami or other similar home ice cream machine, you can make it too! No gatekeeping here. Follow this recipe:

-1.5 cups milk*

-1/4 cup sweetener of your choice (I used monk-fruit)

-1/4 tsp xanthan gum

-cap-full of Vanilla extract (probably 1/2 tsp.)

*The key to this recipe was filling my ice cream pint up to the fill line with cereal, pouring in my milk and letting those two sit in the fridge for an hour or so. This ensures that all the flavor & color gets imparted into the milk, then the soggy cereal gets strained out and tossed.

After all that, I let the ice cream base sit in the freezer for 24 hours and then ran it through the machine the following night. For Ninja Creami owners, run it on the lite ice cream setting (maybe twice)!

One final pass through on the mix-in function after adding in a handful of fresh cereal pieces and you’re in business.

Damn dawg, look at that texture. If I were more business savvy I could be selling these things for $5.50 a pop at a drive-thru. The only problem I foresee is sourcing more of the ever-elusive Frute Brute cereal. But I suppose that’s the beauty of this recipe, you can use any of the monster cereal flavors. Hell, you could use any cereal you like, period!

So, the next time someone tells you it’s too cold out for ice cream, pull out your phone and show them this article. They’ll probably laugh at you, but what do they know anyway?

FRUTE BRUTE FOREVER.

THE BEST HALLOWEEN JUNK FOOD 2024

It wouldn’t quite be Halloween without engorging myself with a ton of the newest seasonal foodie delights. So, in this article, we will be treading through all of the ghoulish goodies I can manage to encounter. Check back frequently; the list will be updated as I find more offerings of the season!

Twizzlers Ghosts

Twizzlers; proving that sometimes the littlest effort can make the biggest difference. The classic Twizzlers taste you know and love, but now in adorably spooky ghost shapes. In person, these phantasmal gems are more pronounced than my subpar snapshots suggest. And the texture - that magical moment when a Twizzler has been warmed just enough, as if it's been nestled in your pocket for a few hours. It's that irresistible softness that makes you want to keep reaching for more. I’m picky about my licorice and hard licorice blows. These are just right.

Now, I can't say for certain if Twizzlers has ever ventured into the realm of shaped candies before, let alone Halloween-themed ones. And honestly? I don't want to know. In my book, Twizzlers Ghosts have set the bar so high that ignorance is bliss.

9/10

Nerds “Spooky” Gummy Clusters

Here’s the thing - a while ago, I declared Nerds Gummy Clusters to be one of the greatest forms of Nerds ever and possibly one of the greatest candies of all time. They’re soft, chewy, crunchy, sweet, tangy, tart…. perfect in every sense of the word and realistically there’s absolutely no way a Halloween makeover is going to diminish my feelings here. But, I will of course try to take this one as serious as possible.

The color scheme: A+. The flavor: not much different from the already available varieties but still…. A+. Nerds pretending to be witches and mysterious caped goofballs: do I really need to say it again?

10/10. If you’ve never had Nerds Gummy Clusters… run to the store now. Even if you hate Nerds by themselves, this is the end all be all way to consume them. I promise.

MTN DEW VOODEW 2024

The annual arrival of Voodew - a sure sign that we’re entering the part of the season where it’s acceptable to watch Hocus Pocus for the first time of the year. I’m never great at finding things super early but I managed this time 2 days before it’s release on 9/9 thanks to my buddy that had the connections (aka Andrew who stumbled into a random Scotto’s Pizza one night).

The sugar free version’s label is a little less appealing than the regular bottle but as long as it’s got that ethereal white haze, I’m diving in. Now, I’m about as good at guessing flavors as a fish is at climbing trees, but I’d be willing to bet whatever the flavor is there is strawberry involved. If you watched the taste test over at Haunted Hangover with Louie and I, you already know what I guessed. Even though they’ve already done Starbu….. I mean “Fruit Chew Candy", this tastes suspiciously like Pink Starburst. Louie was set in stone with Nerds which I could kinda see. I’m waiting for them to catch us all off guard and break the news that it’s actually those Christmasy strawberry candies you find at your grandmas place.

10/10! I enjoyed this years concoction - the Dew continues to outdo themselves!

GHOST TOAST KIT KATS

The pinnacle of confectionery innovation: a Kit Kat that tastes like toast. Okay - It’s not JUST toast, it’s toast with cinnamon. Huge difference. 

The packaging is so beautiful it might just bring a tear to your eye, if you're the type to cry over candy wrappers… and I am. The orange and deep blue swirly color scheme and adorable ghost fit for a McDonalds pail… absolutely breathtaking.

I guessed the flavor would resemble that of a Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal milk and, honestly, it’s not too far off. Crisp wafers covered in cinnamon toast flavored orange colored crème. It’s very reminiscent of the sweet cinnamon Kit Kats from a few Christmases ago which I loved. So it’s Christmas disguised as Halloween - the Spirit Halloween of KitKats. 

9.5 out of 10. I do wish the flavor was a little more pronounced but it’s ghoulish charm has me smitten.

REESES WEREWOLF TRACKS

The successor to “Frankencups”; I scratched my head at exactly what the gimmick was here. A few peeps have mentioned the “werewolf” gimmick comes from the white top of the Reese’s which may symbolize a full moon yada, yada, yada. I’ve never been the type to need a reason to eat a Reese’s and I’ve already got at least two. 1. It’s a Reese’s with a werewolf arm on the packaging. 2. It’s a Reese’s. 3. I don’t know…. repeat 1 and 2. 

Honestly, I can’t tell if it’s the freshness of the peanut butter and chocolate or if it’s the sweet vanilla top but this tastes so much like a handful of Reese’s Pieces without the candy shell. I wasn’t expecting much from these but color me blown away! This is a huge hit! To me, it doesn’t change anything so much that it becomes a different candy but rather enhances and intensifies what’s already great about a Reese’s. 

10 out of 10! What can I say? I’m an absolute wereslut for Reese’s. I saw the full moon and started howling.

TRICK OR TREAT TICTACS

Nothing says “Halloween candy” like spooky breath mints. I found these by complete surprise which was greatly appreciated. I feel like sometimes the items that haven’t been beaten to death on social media for months before their release leave the best impressions. I’m not saying that’s happening with Halloween TicTacs but by no means would I kick em out the bed for crackers.

We’ve got two different variations: Sour Cherry with a black cat theme and the typical orange flavor with, of course, a jack-o’-lantern. Simple. Elegant and other fun positive words that haven’t yet made it to my vocabulary. I kinda love these. I can’t remember back if they’ve ever done these before let alone a sour cherry flavor and I’m unwilling to dig back in the depths of the interwebs to find out. They’re new to me. That’s all that matters.

Orange is your typical orange Tictac of course. Sour Cherry to me is neither of those things unless you munch em up instead of savoring their flavor as intended.

7/10 not bad for candy pretending to be breath mints dressed up for Halloween.

MILK CHOCOLATE PUMPKIN PIE M&MS

This one is kind of a repeat but instead of white chocolate we have milk chocolate. If Werewolf Tracks Reese’s were enough difference from Frankencups, I’d say these deserve at least a quick mention. Though I’m not much of a white chocolate fan, I did enjoy that version as well. These feel like someone couldn’t decide between Halloween and Thanksgiving, so they just mashed them together like a toddler playing with Play-Doh. It’s a weird holiday candy baby and I absolutely need to be present at its mutant pumpkin spiced chocolatey baby shower. 

They’re interesting, no doubt. While they retain much of their regular M&Ms goodness, they taste like a confused Mexican hot chocolate that took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up in a pumpkin patch.

8 out of 10. These are cozy and enjoyable. The best of Halloween and Thanksgiving without having to wear a costume or listen to your relatives argue.

NETFLIX WEDNESDAY CEREAL

If you’ve been following along, you know that Louie (Haunted Hangover) and I had taste tested this a while back after getting our hands on the Canadian version (thanks again to @cerealhookup on Instagram). At that point, we had no idea if this cereal was coming to the US. Lo and behold, the cereal gods have blessed America with goth cereal.

The cereal looks like the void and tastes like a sophisticated dark chocolate Cocoa Puffs with marshmallows which…. I really have no clue what they’re suppose to be shaped like. One might say coffins but they look more diamond shaped. Bonus points for making your milk look like an oil spill.

7.5/10. it’s a fun unexpected cereal that came way out of left field with a mesmerizing color and flavor perfect for when you want to feel classy while eating children's cereal. It’s a blatant reminder that we need more black cereal boxes on shelves during Halloween.

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE HAUNTED APPLE FANTA

Somehow, this beautiful movie marketing tie in had been on the hush up until almost the release date and my my my the stir it caused. The entire internet collectively lost their minds at the sight of green carbonated liquid fronted by Beetlejuice - myself included!

I saw a lot of people downright disgusted with the taste - I regret to inform all of you who share that experience that we have at least one less thing in common. I absolutely LOVE this shit and I’ll fight everyone. One may assume, by the color alone, that it would be green apple. This has such a baked goodie, almost warm caramel vibe to it. It’s like apple pie decided to become a liquid and join the circus. This tastes like Halloween.

If you haven’t checked out the live review over at Haunted Hangover by Louie and yours truly, I’ll let you know that I gave it a 10 out of 10. From the can/bottle designs to the color of the drink and flavor…. I couldn’t budge anywhere away from a 10. If you hated it, please don’t cancel me over soda.

BEETLEJUICE BEETLEJUICE KEEBLER FUDGE STRIPES COOKIES

Ernest J. Keebler's foray into the afterlife. I’m a huge fan of Mr. Ernest J. Keebler but I don’t know that I ever loved him more than now dressed up as the ghost with the most. Not to mention this beautiful all black foil bag that these little delights are housed in. *swoon*

Unfortunately, the flavor is super subtle. The cookies are playing hide and seek with my taste buds… and losing. I do get a hint of sweet vanilla and perhaps a minuscule hint of dark chocolate cookie but it’s so calm, it’s like the neighbors whispered “dark chocolate vanilla” and I just barely heard them.

6.5-7 out of 10. The packaging really saves these ones from being a few points lower. I refuse to give Erniejuice a lower score. Style over substance.

MONSTER CEREAL ASSORTMENT 2024

As much as I wanted to buy 5 boxes of cereal at once for their fun new….ish art work, we’ve all tasted these cereals 100 times over with the exception of Carmella. So, I decided to do the mildly responsible thing and only go home with my favs, 3 out of 5… not too bad!

While there are no new exciting flavors this year and we somehow still neglected Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy for a weird amalgamation of Frankenberry and Boo Berry in one box - aka the past 2 years Monster Mash cereal - we do have a fun attempt at retro boxes and a new….ish gimmick. Monsters Frightful Friends! MONSTERS AND THEIR MARSHMALLOW PETS in other words.

So, the lineup: Carmella and her snake “Scratch”, Frankenberry and his bat “Bennie”, Boo and his ghost cat “Meow Berry”, and finally The Count and his spider, a sort of returning character, named “Igor.” Then of course we have the newly revamped Monster Mash cereal - Monsters’ Frightful Friends.

I’m going 7/10 here. The gimmick isn’t insanely out of the box (I realize the pun) but we were gonna buy the cereal no matter what mildly interesting twist they gave it. I’m happy to see the return of Carmella and in her own retro style box to boot but not so happy about the Frute Brute and Yummy Mummy massacre.

CARAMEL APPLE STUFFED PUFFS

Caramel ✔️ Apple ✔️ Puff ✔️ Stuffed ✔️….. that was a checklist consisting of things I love. On paper, these seems like a sure win. NOT SO FAST - I said “seems.” Realistically, I was so bummed at how much I didn’t enjoy these.

With the combination of textures and flavors here, a lot gets lost in this marshmallowy sour green apple cloud. The isolated caramel itself is good and sweet but the sour green apple over powers it by so much. Plus, it kind of tastes like chemicals.

2/10 here. I can’t go higher on this one unfortunately.

BRACHS MELLOWCREME AUTUMN LEAVES

I know it’s mostly hated in the Halloween world but I’m a huge fan of candy corn and most other candy corn-esque candies from Brachs. I knew these would be a hit immediately. These feel like they should have been staples at grandmas house the past 4 decades for festive fall get-togethers like those strawberry candies during Christmas.

If you recall last years odd lineup - Fall Festival candy corn - which included the likes of cotton candy, strawberry funnel cake, lime snow cone…. To say I was confused about the flavor profiles would be an understatement. They hit the nail on the head this time. Simple fall leaf shapes and colors flavored not like leaves but caramel apple, pumpkin spice, sweet maple, salted butterscotch and spiced cider.

9/10 I won’t go through all the details here, just know that they all taste exactly what they’re suppose to but that spiced cider was a miss. Too much spice and not enough cider.

GHOUL AID SCARY BERRY

Finally, Ghoul Aid has re-entered the chat. No powdered Kool Aid this round but I’ll take it over the 2 year absence. We saw images of this batch teased a couple years ago just to be ghosted until now.

I don’t believe the flavor is different - blackberry - but what’s got me is the boxes says “Scary Berry” as per norm but the pouches say “Brew Berry” which is what the original teased image had on the boxes. I’m genuinely curious if something happened and they had to change the boxes and that’s why the absence happened? Were they in the mindset that the word “brew” would be too much for parents to handle?

Regardless. Taste 10/10. Box design 10/10. The Ghoul Aid man as a witch. 10/fucking 10. There’s a green “Kool-enstein” mask on the back….. 10/10. 

WELCH’S MONSTER SPLASH JUICEFULLS

Welch’s isn’t new to the haunted fruit snack gimmick but this is the first time they were filled with spooky fruit flavored juice.

What really got me on these was of course the box - I’m a sucker for duo tone spooky text flanked by ghosts, bats and an entire haunted house scene in the background. Throwing some juice filled snacks in was only the icing on the cake as far as I’m concerned. But you’re here for the food and unfortunately I’m not consuming a cardboard box. So, onto the fruit snacks. 

Things love about the snacks. They’re gummies, they’re filled with juice, they’re see through and finally they’re shaped like pumpkins, ghosts and skulls. On top of all that, they all taste pretty damn good. I didn’t even mention that they’re made from WHOLE FRUIT. We’re eating healthy here at Leftover Pizza and getting our A, C and E vitamins in.

8/10. I could eat these all day. In fact, I did. 

WEDNESDAY BLUEBERRY GRAPE DESPAIR GUSHERS

More Wednesday love - still depressing but this time fruity. I’m gonna cut to the chase on these John’s, I love these. All Gushers are good, I’ve eaten them all, but there’s never been one better than this.

From the box, to the color and flavor profile, to the Addams family tie in; this is definitely in my top three for the season. The perfect blend of grape and blueberry - perhaps slightly heavier on the blueberry side - and the only despair in sight is when the box empties.

9.5/10.

HOSTESS FRANKEN CAKES

The evolution of the “Monster Cake” continues with the new Franken Cake! They’re simple - vanilla cake and green vanilla frosting with a white swirl top all housed in a dark Halloweeny box. It’s a beautiful addition to the lineup of already established seasonal cakes like the Scary Cake and the Spooky Twinkie.

I didn’t eat any. I bought the box for the box and took the contents to work and they were devoured without seconds like a fresh pig dropped into a tank of piranhas.

8/10. 

FAST FOOD

I’m grouping these all together just to save some time. It’s been a crazy year for Halloween fast food and watching the war unfold was absolutely entertaining and a huge highlight of the season. We will be talking about the 2024 Halloween season for years to come.

In the year 2024, we had the Wendy’s Frightful Frosty Kids Meal, the McDonald’s Monster Pails, the Dunkin Munchkin Buckets, the Pizza Hut Your Haunt Box and finally, the Addams Family Burger King Meal. I know there are more but none of which I was able to get because of the lack of those restaurants in my area. 

They all did super well and I’m blown away by each but I have to give it to both Wendy’s and Burger King. Wendy’s I felt went above and beyond. They took a page out of the McNugget Buddies book, made little anthropomorphic figures of their iconic Frostys, threw some Halloween costumes on them and ran with it - not to mention they did an exclusive one off figure towards the end of the season. Then we have Burger King who gave us the Addams Family menu with the purple Wednesdays Whopper, Morticias Kooky Chocolate Shake, Things Rings and the best of the bunch, Gomez’s Churro Fries with chocolate dipping sauce.

It was nice to see Boo Pails come back for another round. It was also nice to see other places who don’t usually go as crazy for the season jump out of their typical antics and into something a little more fitting. It’s been one for the books.

As a whole - I’m going 10/10 for each.

THATS ALL OF EM! I hope you enjoyed the breakdown and got your hands on some of this stuff to sample for yourself. I can’t believe the sheer volume and variety we were offered this year. Certainly one for the books.

As always, thanks so much for reading!